ok, so i'm a little intoxicated right now but i really want to write. i went over my calorie limit tonight but it was for a good reason. like i said earlier, i only want to go over for a good reason and if i was with other people. well, tonight i was getting really upset about work, the gym, classes, and my injury. my roommate came home and told me that her two friends were coming over and i was ready to iolate myself and just stay in my room all night by myself cuz i was too upset to hang out with people. however, i decided i would be better off if i spent time with people to forget about my issues, drink some wine and watch the finale of a really good tv show i'd been following all season. well it worked. i feel so much better...maybe cuz i drank a bunch of wine but whatever, its better than moping in my room and crying all night. i had a good time and even thoguh i wish i hadn't eaten all those chips at the end of the night, i was hungry and so what. i dont have any social nights planned anytime soon and i havent eaten over 2000 in more than a week so i feel its ok. i'm completely content with my night. i could have cried all night and eaten well or spent time with my roommate's friends and drank/eaten too much and been happy either way cuz its the right time for either. but now i need to keep my calorie intake below 2000 for the next 7 days... i think i can do it.my roommatee just pisses me off sometimes. we used to be friends back in the day but most of the time when we'd hang out we'd be high or drunk or other people would be around. but now that we live together things are totally coming to surface. when it comes down to it, we do not get along. i can't stand her actually. we have our good moments but that only happens when we're drunk or talking about me. when we talk about her its usually about work and i don't give a shit about her work. i mean, you don't understand the extent of it cuz its a long story but i don't give a shit about whatr happens at her work and that's what she talks about 90% of the time. but not even that, a lot of the time when we talk about things we just don't agree and we have different opinions and therefore we argue about shit all the time and it make sme not want to even talk to her cuz i feel we're gonna end up arguing in the end. i hate arguing and i hate debating whatever you want to call it. it even makes me happy when other people see the side of her that i see which makes me feel i'm not being unreasonable about my points and that my opinions are not as ridiculous as she makes them. it seems we only get along smoothly when we're drunk or when other people are around....and that's not right. one of the reasons why i want to move already is to get away from her. i'm not physically ready and i'm not financially ready but i am ready to not live with her anymore. its weird cuz having her living with me helps me binge and not. when she's here i won't bine cuz i have someone around. however, when i know she's not going to binge i want to celebrate my solitude by eating. so i guess in the long run, living with her makes me want to binge. it i lived alone or with someone i liked then i wouldn't celebrate my time without her. what sucks is that i have trouble even calling her my best friend anymore. for awhile i've just refered to her as my roommate cuz its easier and more personal but its to the point where i don't even want her to be my best friend any more but i have no choice. i live with her and don't want to make things worse. i'm only here for 6 more weeks and don't even have the time to strengthen a relationship with someone else to make them my best friend. it seems like i'm just keeping her for convience...for now. i really hope that i make a really good friend, preferably a dancer friend, when i move to l.a. to be my close best friend. i have others in ma, nh, and fl but i need one with me, in the same city. i'm so ready to move on and get someone new. i don't want to say i regret living with bree cuz i learned a great deal from it, but it definitely did ruin the relationship we had.