i think i'm a little obsessed with this website now. I've been browsing the message boards and other people's profiles and i find it interesting to see what everyone else thinks about and either relating to them or thanking god that I'm not feeling that way right now. I feel bad saying this but it makes me feel better knowing that there are other people with the same problem as me who are in a much worse place. It makes me feel like I'm getting better because I remember being in that place at one time and I don't feel that way anymore. My binges are happening less often and i actually feel like i'm getting somewhere and not stuck anymore. before i was sitting in the bottom of the hole, starting to climb my way out, and then i'd just slide right back to the bottom and sit for a few days....i'd actually spend just as many days sitting as climbing. now, its more like everyday i keep climbing and climbing and when i have one of those "bad days" i may slide back down but i don't stay there at the bottom as long....and i spend more days climbing than i do sitting. i may never get out of that hole, but i'll still spend my days climbing instead of sitting. its funny how i've kept written journals before and those never did anything for me and i've made attempts at online journals before, but this is the first time i've acutally written multiple times and have gotten out some things i didnt even know i was thinking about or had in my head. i don't even know if anyone is reading these or not but i don't even care. before, i was always too scared of someone finding out this is me and knowing about all my problems (but what are the chances of that happening?) so i was afraid to let it all out. now, i'm just going with the flow and decided that if someone does find out, what's the worst that would happen? doesn't mean i'm going to go around and start telling everyone now, oh hell no. but i'm not going to hold back here with something that may actually help me just to keep my secret a secret to those i know. i know that telling my best friend wasn't helpful in any way but that doesn't mean that i don't have another friend out there who could possibly help. right now, the best thing i have is all the people on here that remind me i'm not the only one with this problem and when i browse this community i feel more content with the fact that i have a problem instead of feeling so bad about it....like i'm not the only freak in this world that does these things.