well here comes the holidays i hate them so much. i don't have the engery to dealwith them. really i don't like going and dealing with my family. i just don't want to be around them, the one brother that willbe there is one who sexual abused me when i was10. i try to say no but then i'm mad to feel guilty for not going. my husband says lets go and you just stay by me, yeah right once we're there he forgets about what he said. before weeven getthere i'm already shaking feeling sick to my stomach, i feel wide open for attack, from any of them. just plan naked. i'm shaking already just typing this. this year another reason i don't want to deal with this shit is i just lost my grandpa last month. he and i were close he was there when i needed someone, the only reason i went to my sisters is to see my grandpa i could really care less about dealing with the rest. i just want to stay in my black hole and be left alone. why can't i do that? why do i feel like if i don't go my mom will hate me, she wasn't there for mewhen i needed her, why do i care so much about what they think? i'm so scared.
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So don\'t go sweetie. Is going to your family\'s for Christmas an option? Or perhaps even staying home and having a nice quiet homey christmas all your own? On any given day I would say go w/ yoru family enjoy them, but I can certainly see why just being there makes u sick...try and find an alternative, I mean you\'re not legally obligated to be there and if you\'re family can\'t understand your reasons, well then perhaps they don\'t deserve your presence. Take care and I hope you\'re able to work out a compromise.
I\'d say don\'t go, too. But then I really don\'t feel close to my family and feel free to ignore them. I wouldn\'t be around someone who abused me. I\'ve cut off the family of the cousin who abused my son, and asked other family not to talk about them to me. I miss her sister, but I feel I need to even avoid her to protect my son.