It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've last written anything and I guess I've gotten away from it because I haven't been feeling all that great.  Besides the fact that all of my time is spent cooking and cleaning behind my lazy child and mother.  What puzzles me is the fact that she can prepare whatever she wants to eat during the day and walks pass the dishwasher to put all of the dishes on the counter or in the sink.  At least my son admits that he doesn't like to clean, but I grew up in a home where my mother wanted everything clean and straight and now she doesn't seem to care anymore.  She fixes herself coffee, I always know because she leaves sugar residue on the counter and if she can get a mug, pour coffee, put sugar and cream in it, I would think that she could also just grab the dish cloth, wet it and wipe up her mess.  I tell my son to clean behind himself or I will call him into the kitchen to make him wipe up his mess, but how do you tell your mother to clean up behind herself??  That sounds crazy to me.  I don't know anymore.  My wish is to have what my brothers have had for all these years...a happy marriage, children...family.  My two oldest brothers are happy with their wives and their children, never having had to care for mom, and they never had to worry about her, because I had her.  I'm a bit upset about that too, but I can't even blame them so much, they are living their lives...maybe I'm envious and more jealous than anything.  I need to find a good therapist.  Time for me to go, rest up and get ready for work in the morning.