22:31 - day 7

Up at 5:30. 

A full day at work, a conference, trip to the docs for a blood test, home, cook tea.

19 missed calls, 2 answered, texts from his Mum, sister and godmother.

Hearing he's taken a ladder and gone through his sister's bedroom window and stolen whiskey tonight, (she has to lock her door from the inside) makes me realise this really is a desperate situation. They currently share a house.

Finally I hear his Dad's given in and taken him to buy cider, it's the cheaper alternative to the 2 litres of vodka he is normally drinking a day. 

He's not turned into work, run out of money and probably has no job again.

I feel like I am living in an alternative universe right now. I hear the things he's doing and cannot comprehend it's the same person I love. 

All I seem to have said is 'no'

Please come and see me 'no'

Please help me 'no'

Please pay my council tax and TV license 'no'.

Please transfer me £30 to buy vodka I may die if I don't have any. 'no' 

No, no, no, no, no! 

Never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes seems so relevant today. 

Now sleep, up at 5.30, paint on the smile and start again tomorrow.