I woke up this morning, feeling refreshed, energized, like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I actually went to work with a smile on my face....can't remember the last time I did that.  I managed to make it through my day, accomplishing my daily tasks as well as several projects my manager handed my way.  But when I came home, the depression started again...the feelings of despair, anxiety, then lonliness set in .  I hate this.  I hate feeling like this.  I hate being like this.  I want to feel like I did this morning all the time.  I can't remember the last time I felt that way...it has been that long.  But I knew this morning, that it wouldn't last long so I tried to enjoy my mood the best I could...concidering I was at work.  I would have loved to spent the day going for a walk, enjoying the morning air instead of all the humidity that we've been cursed with lately.  I feel at times that I'm losing control of the situations that occur arround me.  I want to feel like I'm in charge of my life and taking action where it needs to be taken.  Yet I feel like I'm losing my grip at times and it's a struggle to hold on.  Seems odd I know but I don't know how else to explain it.