He was my world, my one true love, my soul mate. However you want to describe it, it is the most intense love I have ever felt for anyone. We were so much alike, we never had to bicker or argue over things because we already did everything the way the other one did it. He was such a kind, compassionate, loving husband. The kind that writes you cute little notes and leaves them on the coffee maker every single morning, telling you how much he loves you. He was the kind of husband to always make sure you felt loved, safe, and secure. We were madly in love for almost 10 years. Then POOF! A year ago it was all erased by him. He cowardly emailed me to ask for a divorce out of the blue with no forewarning.
The thing I struggle with the most is that I still have no answers as to why he left. His excuse was that his music career was taking off and that he "didn't have time for a wife". Funny thing is, many of his musician friends are married and have no issues with it. That's why I know it was just an excuse and not the real reason. The real reason could easily be someone else, but I'm not strong enough to hear that yet. The real reason could also be that he has a pornography addiction and either finally acted out on it with someone else or was tired of hiding it from me again (I found out about it years ago, he went to therapy and claimed he was cured). It's embarassing for me to say that he has that addiction. It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough for him and that people will judge me for not being a good wife. 
I managed to submerge myself in anger for a few months. I downright hated him for a while. Hating him was the only way to help me stop loving him. Although some of my love for him is gone, I am, unfortunately, still very much in love with him. I think it's because I still feel like he is my soul mate. If this was just any other relationship, I think I could have begun to move on by now. But it's VERY different when you feel that this person was your one true love on the planet. I feel that with every fiber of my being. How do you forget the man of your dreams? How do you move on from a relationship that was so beautiful you don't think you'll ever find anything like it ever again?
Many days I feel like giving up. Giving up on love, giving up on life. I was lucky enough to be with my soul mate for almost 10 years. Does anything really beat that in this life? Why can I not just be grateful that I found my soul mate at all? Why can't I appreciate that most people never find that in their entire lives?
I am ready to turn my life around though. I'm ready to move forward instead of being stuck in the past. I'm ready to start being a positive thinker again and ready to implement a plan to get me back into actually living my life again. I've spent an entire year feeling like I am living under a rock. It's time to start living for me again! I will heal from this one way or another right? I just have to. There's no other choice.