getting bounced off here tonight, so let me start this again... Tonight my sisters caregiver called to let me know my sister is not showering like she should. I called my sister and talked to her, but I truely could not make out heads or tails on what she was trying to tell me tonight. I did mention a shower and she swears she had one yesterday.. Her darn boyfriend is of no help to her, except he is there at night if anything should happen... I wish he would get fed up enough to leave, but my sister thinks the world is him!! If I told him to leave, my sister would be heart broken,so looks like I will go over there tomorrow and see about getting her into a shower. I had no trouble getting her to shower several times before...She cant control the cold and hot water, so this is all her boyfriend would have to do...He gets me so darn mad at times...He is useless in my opinion.....he uses her for her home and his office, and his free utitilities, and whatever else,but I ask so little of him,yiu would think he would help out abit more. I have hired a pool guy, a yard guy, a handiman, 2 caregivers to take sis out 5 days each week to have some fun shopping, and all we ask is that her boyfriend sees to it my sister gets her medications at night, and that he never leaves her alone. Heck, the caregivers have her 8 hours a day and we take her out one day each week, so he actually has to keep an eye on her 1 lousy day... he has been with her about 11 years now, and I guess he thinks he belongs there. I pay all her bills and take her to all the drs appointments, so he really has no complaints...He was paying rent to my sister before she became ill, and still does, but now, we pay him back his rent,so he will help her...so he has the life of ease there and will never move. He works from home, so he has a complete office. The other day I was going through bills and found out my sister paid for the newspaper... She cant read it!!! I asked her boyfriend about this and his answer was that my sister insisted on paying it this time...like a gift to him....I told him she is NOT to pay for the paper anymore...he also had the nerve to sign the check....(she cant even write her own name anymore.)...He has told me the pool guy charges 90 per month, and here I see my sister paid 2 times this month..and paid 90 each time...THATS NOT 90 a month....Will have to check into this also this wee.k. I guess I have to figure out something to do other then leaving a few signed checks with him....I asked him today why the fella came 2 times and his answer was that there was some trouble with the pool pump... Well, these things he is suppose to tell me first before he lets the guy charge 2 different times.. I feel I may not being fair to my sister with some things, as I cant be over there everyday or even more then 2 times a week..Between my husbands drs appointments as well as my appointments, we just cant give her the attention she needs.. She loves her caregivers, and enjoys going out with them...People tell me to put her into a home and I just cant do this,at least not yet..As long as sis knows her caregivers and me, and knows her home, I cant even think of putting her into a home.. She has a dog she loves dearly, and I just could not take that away from her..(a home doesnt allow for pets)... Darn it! Wish her daughters could be of more help, but one daughter would rob her blind and the other one would not care for her,the way she should be taken care of.. This leaves me...........and I am not sure I am doing right all the time either....I am so glad we have the 2 caregivers,as they are a blessing taking her out each day.. My sister loves to shop and hit the thrift stores,even tho she buys junk most of the time...but heck she did this when she did not have alzheimers...Need to think of what else I can do for her to make things better....If she lived closer, it would make things easier, but she lives about 20 minutes from me...not far, but too far just to run over there all the time..I have told her boyfriend I was going to hire a nighttime nurse and he said the house was too small to have someone else there all the time..Well, heck, thats not true, but he has sis convinced that another person (stranger) would make the house too crowded... Yet, his son was going to move in and help the boiyfriend,,as he is getting up in age, and not able to do all he used to do..But the son couldnt get out of his lease... My sisters boyfriend had my sister convinced that having his son move in was a great thing for him....and she was all for it...Whatever her boyfriend says, she agrees with it...Now when the lease it up, will have to deal all over again with this..Anyways, am going to have to deal with the boyfriend until my sister doesnt know him anymore I believe...I do not know what else I can do!!
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God love you Phyllis. You are going thru so much right now. This is just me, but I wouldnt care what that worthless boyfriend said. I would get a nurse or caregiver for the evening/nights to be there too. I would have it so there is someone there around the clock with your sister, to make sure she is taken care of. And they could let you know whats going on. Such as him telling your sis that its a good thing for his son to move in, or the situation about the pool, or just whatever. Can you make it that if you sign a couple of checks, the caregivers could write out the bills? Im thinking here...hang on. This kind of stuff just burns me up with someone doing this to your sis. Im still thinking...give me a sec. If I have this right, you are in complete control of her money, right? If you do, I dont think I would sign a check and let the bf have it. Im not sure how all of this is set up. Do you have full...um...trying to think of the word here. Sheesh, Im having a hard time with words coming to me...sorry. Do you have complete control, or say about your sister? If you dont legally, I would get it where you do. Some boyfriend that all he does is just sit there and live off your sister. Dang it, that just burns me up. I use to work in a nursing home taking care of the elderly. Some had alzheimers, some had strokes, etc... I loved the job, loved taking care of them, loved to put a smile on their face. But once I got cancer, I had to quit and as you already know, Im disabled, so I will never be able to do that again. How I wish I could stay with your sister and take care of her and help you out with making sure her bills got paid and help you in every way that I could. I dont blame you for not wanting to put her in a home until you absolutely have to. Other than the bf, it sounds like she doesnt need to go there yet. She knows you, her caregivers and unfortunately the bf. And to think her kids wont help. That is so sad. Course, my kids wont help me either. That is just so hard for me to understand how kids wont help their mom out. Beyond my comprehension. You have so much on your plate. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for your sister. You are a wonderful person, wife, sister and friend. Im so lucky to have you as a friend. Thank you for you comment in my journal. If you want to know how the meeting went, you can read my journal. I think your doing a wonderful job and you should be so proud of yourself. The only thing like I already said is maybe see about having it be where there is always a caregiver with her around the clock. You can only do so much. Im sorry I didnt comment on your last journal. I read it, and it touched me so much, all I could do is cry for you and I didnt know what to say. I have tried several times to comment on it, and everytime I read it, I start crying for you all over again. So please dont think I dont care. I love you and I do care. Please take care of yourself. Know that I have you, your husband and your sister in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love and hugs....Julie....hope you have a good weekend
Oh, Phyllis, you just have too much on your plate. I don\'t know how you do it. I feel so bad for you. This situation with your sister is not good. I know that you don\'t want to put your sister in a home, but how much longer can you continue this. You have to think about your own health also. You have your health problems and then there is your hubby. You are going above and beyond and it may catch up with you. I don\'t know what your sister\'s financial situation is, but maybe you could have around the clock care for her. You are truly a wonderful and caring person and I worry about you! Take care sweetie and try to have a nice rest of the weekend. HUGS and Prayers to you. Marie