I have been keeping myself busy!  I am 95 percent done with my patio!!!!  The weather is rainy so I can't go out today and work : ( - I have a ton of other projects going on in my house - but everything is on hold because I can't find anyone who will go buy me paint - my husband is a contractor so he comes home not wanting to do any home repairs or shopping : (  it sucks having to be dependent on others to do all my shopping - one day I hope to do it all myself!   I have not feeling well, so my anxiety goes haywire (ie. what if I am dying) all negative thoughts about my health :(  I still have not made my doctors appointment that I desparately need to start diabetes medicine - I don't understand myself - it is something that I am in dire need of and I am scared to go.  I spoke to my dr. on the phone and he said that I need to get the necessary blood work but I feel that if they do blood work they will tell me I am dying - I confuse myself,  at times I wish I were dead and then I am terrified being told I am dying - it must all be part of panic disorder.  I wonder if others feel this way too?????