I DID IT!  I went to church and survived!  This is the first time in over 6 months that I am able to go to church!  I was so scared to go - but I went and it was ok - I was terrified when I got there - I sat in the back by the door like most of us with panic disorder, I sat through the whole service (2 hours) and left immediately after service (I was probably the first one out the door!)  I am sooo proud of myself, my husband was so excited too!  I am so happy that I went out alot this weekend without a major attack!  I did go to therapy on Friday night and that was really hard, I have a hard time being in a closed room but I also survived that without a major attack even though I was anxious.  I am having mixed emotions about my therapist - on Friday she told me that if I was able to get angry enough at my panic, my panic would stay away - the idea behind this is that you can't have 2 emotions at once - anger and panic ??????? Has anybody heard of this?  She had me draw a picture and get really mad at the picture - I had a hard time doing this, instead I cried, she made me keep doing this until I did get very mad.  She said if I practiced this I would eventually be able to get "mad" at panic and that would keep the panic away???  This therapist is in Century City, California and her website is "Panic Free.com" she specializes in "Panic" if anyone wants to check her out.  I do believe that she is helping me because I am able to go out alot more and I have alot more confidence in myself.  Well, today is Monday, I hate Mondays (alone again) but I am going to keep myself as busy as I can!  Thanks to all how took the time to read my long entry today!!!!