I hate Mondays.  I feel like a failure today - I had to cancel my son's appointment because my daughter is still sick and needs to go to the doctor.  I was really going to try to go to my sons appointment, but when I canceled I had mixed emotions - sad that I can't do things on my own, happy I didn't have to go : ( .  I really need to be more independent.  I feel that without a safe person with me I can not function - it sucks.  I guess I am feeling sorry for myself today - what else is new, I do that quite often.  My therapist told me that fear of dying is because I am not living my life to the fullest and I wonder if that is true - it kinda makes sense to me but then again if I didn't have panic I would be living my life to its fullest.  I would love to hear other peoples feeling about this!  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me.