It's really cold out this morning.  6 degrees and very,very windy.  Wind chill must be really low.  I joined the breakup and divorce community and I was on there this morning and all was quiet.  Nothing going on, I dont think anyone was on there.  I guess everyone sleeps in on Sundays.  There are a lot of hurt people on that site.  I was really hurt over a period of 27 yrs.  You would think I would be angry but I don't feel that way.  I wonder if I have stuffed the emotions?  I'm hoping the counseling thing goes through quickly because this is something I need to explore.  I know if Bob was to ask me now if I was coming back, I would say no.  I can't get over the sex addiction stuff.  I found a website on the boards for support for familiy of sex addicts and I'm going to ck that out.  Maybe it will help me.  I went to a meeting at church last spring for women of sex addicts and that helped a little I think but I think I've got a long way to go to forgiveness.  The illness makes you feel disrespected and used.  There is no love, just an act that has to be done to fulfill your"wifely" duties.  That's no way to feel about sex.  Anyway, we'll see what happens.  It is so cold out I'm going out today.  I just don't want to go out in it.  I know that's lazy but that's just the way I feel.  I read the Sunday ads but not much on sale.  I guess I will go shopping tomorrow after I go to the gym.  I know what I want to buy I just have to go get everything.  The money is very sparse this christmas so I want to get everyone something so we have some gifts under the tree.  Praying for the house to sell quickly.  It will help us financially a whole lot.  I ate cookies last night before I went to bed.  Homemade cookies are so good.  I'm going to do some baking today too.  Brownies and oatmeal raisin cookies.  I boxed up some cookies for Nat and Bob and I will try to get them in the mail Wednesday.  I need to get gift cards for them to Applebees and Chilis so they can go to dinner together.  I need to think of something to buy Nat for a gift.  Maybe I'll get him a card to Best Buy then he can buy a DVD or something like that.  I'm going to be really broke this month.  I have to pay my car insurance and my storage unit and buy groceries one week this month and christmas gifts.  I'll just have to be really careful with what I have left over.  I also have to pay for the newspaper which I get on sundays only.Everyone have a great day.  God bless. I wanted to talk about my depression.  I just can't seem to get above a 5 on the mood scale.  I just have this mid grade depression that won't lift.  The meds do the best they can, I'm just medication resistant depressed as my pdoc says.  I wonder if another mood stablizer would work.  I would like to try topamax because it really is helping Tanya.  When, if I ever get to one, I go to see a new pdoc I will ask if I can try it.   12:40pm         I looked up the sex anon groups website and found a lot of info.  I will call tomorrow to see if there are any groups in my area.  I hope so because it sounds like something that would really help me.  I related to a lot of the things said at this website.  It's call S-Anon International Family Groups .   They work on the same 12 step program of AA and I'm very familiar with that since I sobered up in AA 28 yrs ago.