Today

He said he's going to sign the papers, finally. And he said the check (for the divorce is in the mail).
I don't believe him though. He said he was bringing me the check on 3 different occasions and then "forgot it." I think he was making excuses to see me, and trying to be "nice" so I'd say he didn't have to give me the money -- not that he actually wanted to see me, but just wanted to manipulate me for his own benefit.
I feel so used. They say sociopaths can't love. It's hard to admit to myself that he didn't love me. Even though I know he couldn't have, based on the horrible things he did.
I guess I wanted to think he did though.
He went on online dating sites the day after I said we should separate. He saw no problem with dating right away. I insisted he wait until I moved out. No he's online dating sites all of the time. Oh well, I went on there too. I don't really want to date though.
It's hard to accept it's really totally over, but it is. I know it's for the best, but I just feel so empty tonight.
I'm angry he's strung me along and used me, always doing what was best for him. I wish I hadn't have loved him so much. I feel I destroyed myself in this process, and I hope I can get myself back somehow.