feeling bad
I am packing up my life for a move I really don't want to do, but I don't have a choice. The friends I have lived with for several years have decided to move to Oregon. It was a surprise to me. I had no idea that this was going to happen. Her husband had a good job in DC, worked there for 20 years. Even through the financial bubble burst of 2009 and the govt shutdown last year it didn't affect his job. But he had shifted to the IT dept of his job, after spending 5 years in school for it. Things were good for the first few years but the last year or so things were not going well. He had problems with his manager and with some others. The pressure of the job was getting to him and he couldn't keep up with the demands. So at the end of last year it was agreed he would take an early retirement.
At first he said he'd take some time off and then go looking for work, that he hoped to be working again in May. But then suddenly they decided to just leave VA. Part of his retirement package was that they company would pay for him moving, if he chose to do that. First they spoke about going to Vancouver BC, but it's hard for an American to move to Canada. So they still wanted to move to that area so they picked Portland OR. Nothing against the city, but they barely get any sun. For someone like me that wouldn't work. Not only that, my family is here on the east coast.
Things changed between my friend and I. We've grown apart, so that is another reason I don't want to move. Problem is that I don't have a lot of money, I'm exploring my options.
they are packing up their things and arranging for work to be done to get this house ready to sell. They want to put it up on the market in May and be moved out there the middle of July.
I'm scared, anxious and I feel like a big failure. Why didn't I get a job while I was living here with them? I work PT as a dog walker and pet sitter. And I volunteer at a cat rescue that runs out of the local Petco.
I can't do anything right. I'm ashamed of myself and I don't like myself much right now. I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up again.
At first he said he'd take some time off and then go looking for work, that he hoped to be working again in May. But then suddenly they decided to just leave VA. Part of his retirement package was that they company would pay for him moving, if he chose to do that. First they spoke about going to Vancouver BC, but it's hard for an American to move to Canada. So they still wanted to move to that area so they picked Portland OR. Nothing against the city, but they barely get any sun. For someone like me that wouldn't work. Not only that, my family is here on the east coast.
Things changed between my friend and I. We've grown apart, so that is another reason I don't want to move. Problem is that I don't have a lot of money, I'm exploring my options.
they are packing up their things and arranging for work to be done to get this house ready to sell. They want to put it up on the market in May and be moved out there the middle of July.
I'm scared, anxious and I feel like a big failure. Why didn't I get a job while I was living here with them? I work PT as a dog walker and pet sitter. And I volunteer at a cat rescue that runs out of the local Petco.
I can't do anything right. I'm ashamed of myself and I don't like myself much right now. I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up again.
Replies
hi Lily, comforting hugs. i\'m reaching through your writings, and give you a big comforting hug. You aren\'t a failure, you have lots to look forward too, in the future. i know you were just settling in, with being at your current place, staying with your friend, and her family, and i know it\'s very disappointing, when things happen, that we don\'t have any control of, and can affect our stability. i know this time, is a scary one for you ,and you wanting to have stability. i\'m here, when you need too talk, and i am hoping, and praying for the very best, in the upcoming weeks, and months, i love to believe, with all of my heart, that all is gonna be ok, and will work out the best. :) You are gonna make it through this, our dear friend. please keep strong, and never lose hope. You have so much to look forward too in life, and things will definitely turn around, in a very positive way. Sending encouragement, lots of love, and hugs.