Today is Monday Nov 12th and my first thought was Jon and a year ago preparing for his memorial service.   Trying to refocus on today and the present.  So many thoughts and feelings, the pain is so deep, at times suffocating.  There are things I should have done but didn't, need to learn how to go forward and live in this new reality that I did not choose.   I am surprised how easy it has been to make work secondary, maybe deep inside I know I need to work through this to put myself back together, not to be the same, it is all so different, but able to live.  Someone recently asked what I am most afraid of, I didn't even have to think, it is the fear of losing my other son.  Learning to cope with the fears which I now know can become reality in a split second.   Word today to express my feelings...Torture.  

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

Yes, some days it\'s just pure torture isn\'t it???

Hugging you tight with all my heart~~Teri
babiboismom
babiboismom

Thinking of you today, my dear new friend.
~~Vicki
Missinglisa
Missinglisa

It is torture. And days like today are even worse. My thoughts and prayers are with you. This new reality takes a lot of getting used to.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Januaryice
Januaryice

It\'s pure agony. hugs to (((you)))) and (((Jon)))) -Janice
NoraMc
NoraMc

Yes, I agree,,the worst fear would be the loss of my son, I cling to him,,,,
PLA58
PLA58

After losing my son, the fear of losing my daughter haunts me greatly.
The days take their tole on your heart, even when your mind says one thing your heart will rule..
Sending big bear hugs your way ~ Penny
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Yes, I understand... We have experienced a horrific loss and the thought of it happening again is too much for one\'s heart to hold. Hugging you tightly. XO Joanie
Reunion
Reunion

The only way I have been able to put those near paralyzing fears of more loss to rest, is by turning over the burden of it all to Jesus...in His Hands I place all those entrusted to me...I can only do so much--I have to leave the ultimate outcome up to God... Having lost two children in an instant...I am very familiar to how soon it can all change...! Love, Donna