Hello
Hi
"When you birth two children, but one doesn't make it can you still say you are a mother of two?"
My oldest is 7 and my angel Jeremy arrived November 30th 2011, It was a Wednesday, I had simply gone to the clinic for a regular check up but had no idea that my Jeremy had passed away 2 days earlier.. there was no heartbeat, only the sound of mine breaking as the Doctor gave me the shocking news.
It had taken us so long to get pregnant and in one moment all our hopes and dreams vanished as I cam to the realization I had to now give birth to a baby who would never open his eyes, cry or grow up, he would forever be our sleeping baby boy, and now we have to plan his funeral instead of his future.
Delivery was fast, I was already dilated and after the doctor broke my water I was having wicked contractions every minute, no sooner did I get into the bath tub to ease the pain when I felt the need to push. So many thoughts and fears went through my head, ' am I dilated enough? will I hurt myself if I push now?' 'what will he look like? what color will he be after being dead for so long?' 'Did the Doctors make a mistake? will he be alive? Please god let him be alive!!' But I knew he was really gone when the contractions stopped and I was laying in the birthing bed waiting for the urge to push... it's not normal, I couldn't feel any contractions there was no baby fighting his way out of my woom like there should be... oh and the pain, THE PAIN! I had refused drugs, I had my first naturally I wanted to bring Jeremy into this world the same way and looking back at it now I am proud that I was able to do it no matter how awful the pain was, I was still able to look on my baby with a clear drug free mind and remember every curve of his little face.
the Doctor had covered his little body up and put a knit cap over his head, his poor little body was so fragile.. the amniotic fluids that had protected him for so long had began to cause his skin to peal off, just like he was wearing a rubber suit over his body. all we were allowed to see were his hands and feet which looked fine and his face, which I had to partially cover because skin had lifted off an eye lid but he was still beautiful.. he was still my Angel, my boy.
It all happened in less than 4 hours. I held our baby in my arms, held his little hand and cried. the nurses took him away to weigh him 5lbs 15oz and a whole 18 inches long, I was so used to being pregnant that I often forgot I was pregnant and then to see this (almost) 6 pound baby and he fit right in my belly... everything felt so surreal like it was all a bad dream and I would wake up and everything would be fine. but it's not fine is it?
Another 4 hours later, we had called who needed to be called, waited for the funeral home to pick Jeremy up and we went home.... I couldn't bare to spend the night in the hospital listening to other babies cry.. so we went back home with our oldest son and his Aunt came to help with him .... and I cried.
"When you birth two children, but one doesn't make it can you still say you are a mother of two?"
My oldest is 7 and my angel Jeremy arrived November 30th 2011, It was a Wednesday, I had simply gone to the clinic for a regular check up but had no idea that my Jeremy had passed away 2 days earlier.. there was no heartbeat, only the sound of mine breaking as the Doctor gave me the shocking news.
It had taken us so long to get pregnant and in one moment all our hopes and dreams vanished as I cam to the realization I had to now give birth to a baby who would never open his eyes, cry or grow up, he would forever be our sleeping baby boy, and now we have to plan his funeral instead of his future.
Delivery was fast, I was already dilated and after the doctor broke my water I was having wicked contractions every minute, no sooner did I get into the bath tub to ease the pain when I felt the need to push. So many thoughts and fears went through my head, ' am I dilated enough? will I hurt myself if I push now?' 'what will he look like? what color will he be after being dead for so long?' 'Did the Doctors make a mistake? will he be alive? Please god let him be alive!!' But I knew he was really gone when the contractions stopped and I was laying in the birthing bed waiting for the urge to push... it's not normal, I couldn't feel any contractions there was no baby fighting his way out of my woom like there should be... oh and the pain, THE PAIN! I had refused drugs, I had my first naturally I wanted to bring Jeremy into this world the same way and looking back at it now I am proud that I was able to do it no matter how awful the pain was, I was still able to look on my baby with a clear drug free mind and remember every curve of his little face.
the Doctor had covered his little body up and put a knit cap over his head, his poor little body was so fragile.. the amniotic fluids that had protected him for so long had began to cause his skin to peal off, just like he was wearing a rubber suit over his body. all we were allowed to see were his hands and feet which looked fine and his face, which I had to partially cover because skin had lifted off an eye lid but he was still beautiful.. he was still my Angel, my boy.
It all happened in less than 4 hours. I held our baby in my arms, held his little hand and cried. the nurses took him away to weigh him 5lbs 15oz and a whole 18 inches long, I was so used to being pregnant that I often forgot I was pregnant and then to see this (almost) 6 pound baby and he fit right in my belly... everything felt so surreal like it was all a bad dream and I would wake up and everything would be fine. but it's not fine is it?
Another 4 hours later, we had called who needed to be called, waited for the funeral home to pick Jeremy up and we went home.... I couldn't bare to spend the night in the hospital listening to other babies cry.. so we went back home with our oldest son and his Aunt came to help with him .... and I cried.
Replies
I lost my son on Oct 20th when I went in for my regular scheduled NST. I felt him kicking and moving fine that morning, I was having contractions when we walked in the door of the office just like I had been for weeks. They hooked me up to the monitor and nothing........ he passed away while I was taking a nap before his appt. Oliver was 38 weeks and 1 day, he weighed 7 lbs and 12 oz and was 18.5 \" long. i have another son who turned 5 shortly after we lost our Oliver. My son gavin was born at 33 weeks and weighed only 4 lbs. It still amazes me that with such a struggle he was able to make it, and my little Oliver wasnt meant to be here. My heart breaks for everone who is here. I keep a pic of both my sons in my wallet. One angel on earth, and one in heaven. I am sorry for your loss. It is very helpful to be here though. It took me a while to find somewhere where i could talk and feel compfortable and its nice to know you arent going through this alone.