Just gonna write see what comes out. I'm in the darkness still and theres a black whole withinand its sucking me further and further into the darkness.After everything i've done and i'm still going.I cant speak i cant escape i cant do anything.I'm just silently still being sucked further and further in.Soon it will be the end. I've been fighting for so long and i cant fight no more. The fighting only makes itstronger. I did what people told me.I spoke out finally but nothing. I still feel exactly the sameStill being sucked in, not getting help.I want someone to rescue me, I want to be held tighttold everything will be alright. Be told i'm lovedand cared about and for someone to be there for me never to leave my side, Not to run and hide.To be completely Honest with me. But i dont ever get what i want. I want to die but havent getgot given that. But i will continue to try and one daymy time will come and i'll take my last breath and finallyBe at REST! I feel shut out from the world both here on DS and in my own house and area and world. I thought DS would be different. I thought i'd find a place i belonged but i haventI dont have a place you see. And i cant continue to look for something that isnt there. The only place i belong is downthere.   I want to apologise to all those this may hurt. I'm sorry, i'm not doing this to hurt you i dont want that never. I want you all to be happy and get better and keep fighting because you are all so strong much stronger than i'll ever be. Your all so special in your own ways and i care deeply about you. You'll never know just how much i love and care about you but that doesnt mean i dont. Take Care Of Yourselves,Luv Beckaxoxox