This was an email i sent to some like 10mins ago and i thought i'd let you know how i was feeling and what was going on: I hate it here in this place this world...I just want to run away but no matter how much i think about it i know i wont do it...I cant leave my mum like that and the neighbours what will they think of her and well knowing my luck she'll do the one thing i dont want her to do and call the police and have me brought home then i'll be in s**t. I want out though and i tryed again today to kill myself...I had a lovely day with you the other day and i just want to say thank you and i hope you never forget that time we spent together.Now i got my stupid friend on my back having ago at me and calling me dumb because i'm not going back to school on wednesday and instead i'm going back the monday...she's just called me a stupid old cow and then went offline but hey f**k her...it none of her buisness what i do with my life. I just have no energy anymore to fight a never ending battle whats the point...I'm totally invisable.Today i've cleaned the house from head to toe one because my mum would only have ago when she got home and found mess and she loves things neat and tidy and because i had eaten to much and cleaning burns 230 calories an hour so i did like 4hours of cleaning...my mum comes home and doesnt even notice...I asked her what she thought and she goes about what i was like forget it never mind it was nothing...then i hear the door so i go downstairs to answer it and it's my neighbour and she's supposed to be doing my hair on saturday and we were talking about that and how i had to dye my hair even darker coz the dye didnt work so i've decided to go black alittle earlier than expected so i told my mum and she was all okay with it and she was listening to me and stuff then when we got back inside she totally balnked me and then my brother started talkin to her and she was all listening to him and answering him...Like i'm just fricking invisable i left the room and ended up slamming my bedroom door...Then she calls me downstairs and asks me what i want for dinner i said nothin i'm not hungry which i wasnt so then she goes off on one saying "Your just trying to make urself anorexic why dont you just eat the food and then go throw it up and be bilimic too". so in the end i said i'll just have a sausage sandwhich to shut her up so when my sister calls me for dinner and i go downstairs she's done me a whole dinner with chips and beans and now i feel like a fat cow...I stopped myself from throwing up which was pretty hard but i had to. I just want to get out...I wanted to see you 2day but i had no money and i looked round the house and couldnt find any either so it wasnt realy a choice. I cant take living her much longer...i dont know what is gonna happen what i'm gonna do. Last night i didnt get to sleep till 3am cause i kept getting flashbacks of what my broter did to me and i was just reliving it all over again and i had a bad back and my matress is like totally f**ked with springs popping out everwhere so in the end i had to sleep on top of my cover/duvet and use my dressingown as a cover and i actually got some sleep but was up at 7. I dont know what to do anymore i feel like just curling up and dying...so badly i wish for that and i know you dont want to hear this so i'm gonna shut up now.