Yesterday I took momma for her flu shot.  The Health Dept was giving them at the local Armory.  These days that is a place I try to not visit.  You guessed it.  Reality came smacking me in the face.  There was a young officer on duty who you know I had to talk with.  Last year he was in the same place as my son is now.  We chatted for a short time and I returned to the line for the flu shots. Mom looked at me and said "what's wrong" as the tears began forming in my eyes.  All I could tell her is that today I was not able to live with denial that my son is in the way of danger.  Immediately everyone in the line began to tell me that they would be keeping him & us in their prayers.  The emotional strain was almost more than I could bear.  But, praise God I was able to bounce back to help those around with their fear of receiving the needle for their shots and some of the older people who just needed someone to talk with.  Mom always seems to enjoy watching that part of me with strangers.After the shots, we went grocery shopping.  The parking lot was full and no handicap spots were available.  I dropped her at the door and asked her to sit on a bench until I could park the car and get back.  As usual, Mom disappeared.  She doesn't seem to understand why this frustrates me.  Anyway, the bottom line is that after her shopping was finished, she went to the bench to wait.  I had no idea where she was so finally, after walking the store several times, I located her.  When we got to the car she shared yet another difficulty that I was waiting to hear.  Her new glasses, the ones that she was so happy with 2 weeks ago, are not doing what she tried to make us believe they were doing.  She cannot read the prices in the store and complained loudly about the glasses.  We had a loooooong talk about her vision and the need for her to practice safety.  We also discussed the need for her to reconsider Assisted Living before she loses the rest of her vision.  She claims to have accepted that fact and is very depressed about it.  She still thinks my sister is going to move her to take care of her, in spite of the fact that Sis has said she does not want to sell the house she loves to move 900 miles away.I had another conversation with my sister about all this.  It seems that, no matter how many times it is said differently, Mom is still determined that my sister is going to move here.  Bottom line:  Sis has a very weak stomach and neither can nor wants to take care of mom with the incontinence and all the medical problems.  She also is absolutely frightened about having to care for "a blind and nearly deaf person."  She is feeling guilty about all this because "mom was always there to care for me." I can't blame her for her feelings and actually understand what she is saying.  I  told her that she needs to talk this way to Mom, no matter how difficult it is for either of them.  Honesty will prevail!  We really just need to make Mom more aware of these feelings so that she can settle on her own needs instead of her dreams.This is all so emotionally draining and frustrating.  Anyway, I have again begun searching for a facility that is both Assisted Living with progression to Skilled Nursing when it becomes necessary.  That will give us the security of knowing that Mom has time to make friends who can still visit with her as she progresses.  She will also be in familiar surroundings so that when her vision goes completely she will not be as frightened as she would in a strange setting.  Sure do wish I could push a magic button, or that the office supply store with the "EASY" button actually worked.