The past 24 hours have been quite rough. Mom has been having a hard time with her gout and stomach ulcer. She has been on edge and upset with all of us in the family. My dad and her got into a big fight and both said terrible things to one another. My sister was acting like a 13 year old brat and did a lot of upsetting things to Mom. Late at night, they got into a bad arguement. Mom said that maybe it would be a good decision to have her move back into her real parents' house (she is actually an old classmate from HS that my family took in as a daughter). During this fight, she stormed out of the apartment and ran off outside. And it was about 2am at least. That's what really made Mom hurt and upset.
Here it is, about 8:30am, and Mom started telling me how disgusting I look because I have acne and stretch marks. She continue to say how if she looked like do, she'd have low self esteem as well, and that it's no wonder why nobody wants to date me. I started crying and she told me to shut up/ stop my blubbering. She continued to say how I'm always waking the family up with my bawling (not true) and that I'm disgusting and crazy.
She really made me feel like crap. She hasn't acted like this in ages. It's like she goes into different episodes with this mean behavior. It seems like a disorder or something. The last time she was like this was in the winter. I can't take this where we become close again and I feel like I have my mom back to out of nowhere ripping me apart and acting, well, crazy. I love my mom; she's my best friend and has always been an inspiration to me. I keep reading things that talk about distancing one's self to poisons in one's life. I don't want to distance myself. No matter what, I want and seek to get our relationship to us being close again. I need to figure out how to deal with these emotions.
Currently, I am listening to Christian rock music on Spotify (Fireflight). It helps somewhat. I'm going to try to sleep- I haven't been feeling well and was up all of the night. Sorry for being such a downer. <3
Here it is, about 8:30am, and Mom started telling me how disgusting I look because I have acne and stretch marks. She continue to say how if she looked like do, she'd have low self esteem as well, and that it's no wonder why nobody wants to date me. I started crying and she told me to shut up/ stop my blubbering. She continued to say how I'm always waking the family up with my bawling (not true) and that I'm disgusting and crazy.
She really made me feel like crap. She hasn't acted like this in ages. It's like she goes into different episodes with this mean behavior. It seems like a disorder or something. The last time she was like this was in the winter. I can't take this where we become close again and I feel like I have my mom back to out of nowhere ripping me apart and acting, well, crazy. I love my mom; she's my best friend and has always been an inspiration to me. I keep reading things that talk about distancing one's self to poisons in one's life. I don't want to distance myself. No matter what, I want and seek to get our relationship to us being close again. I need to figure out how to deal with these emotions.
Currently, I am listening to Christian rock music on Spotify (Fireflight). It helps somewhat. I'm going to try to sleep- I haven't been feeling well and was up all of the night. Sorry for being such a downer. <3
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