Today I have pluinged into deep self hate. Of course what brought it on was an incident that happened friday and I'm feeling deeply traumatized from it to the point where I feel deathly afraid to leave my apartment or even get into my car to drive.I've been suffering from a sinusitis infection for three weks and fely extremely rough on friday. I had to get my daughter to the daycare so I could rest that day. I'm a single mother with no family. I have to use community services to help me out. The medications that I was on the for sinus infection didn't agree with my body.I arrive at this 4 way stop and my foot cramped up, so I signaled for the other driver to go, which he didn't. I was able to back up my car. He drives by - i can't remember if he fingered me but he got one back. All I can remember is piercing hate filled eye glaring at me. He then stopped his car and that is when I took off. In my city there has ben alot of drive by shootings etc. I wasn't about to stick around to see what would happen - I didn't want to risk a chnace of this guy pulling a gun or me or a knife at my throat.So I went and noticed 5 blocks after - this guy was following me. To make sure that he was following me - I changed course and went down a windy route and determined that he was following me. I felt for my life. I wasn't sure if I was gonna survive or what was gonna happen. I came up to a red light and had to stop. He stopped 6 cars lengths behind me.the light turned green and he turned off. Got my plate number.I feel like a sitting duck and I'm really not sure what is gonna happen. The uncertainy of who I was dealing with is killing me inside. Was it a gang member or a cop. I have no idea. I'm really expecting the worst to happen. Why that is I'm not too sure - but I know I don't feel secure in not being concerned about this. I'm not sure what to expect.I don't have a lot of friends- just people I know who never spend time with me. I never had any support when I was sick nor do I have anybody to help me through this and if I did get help the person helping me would expect me to deal with my problems their way and that my way was faulty and not right in their eyes.Since last summer I have already been dealing with childhood issues. I was severely neglected and abused when I was young. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder due to my treatment growing up. Life for me had been hell and somebody I question why was I born into this life. Is it my fault that I suffer from PTSD? is it my fault that my mind, body and spirit is in this state that I'm in? For 15 years I have been in therapy on and off and moreso in the past 5 years. I have put off relationships because I've gone through too many men who just wanted me for sex and just to rush things. My career world is in a shambles because I'm not happy with where I am. I'm drained and burnt out from playing a caregiver role.For a while I have been suffering from horrible anxiety attacks and have found a no medication route to deal with it - thank god for that. They had me on meds and they put me out of commission. I was like a zombie when I was on them. I could not even get into my car to get my daughter from daycare this one night. My ex flipped on me calling me an incompetant parent that can't do jack for anybody.today I'm really not sure what to do........I'm trying so hard to get the help i need so much and fall flat......