Last night I felt soooooo bad.  I don't know what was wrong with me it was kinda like I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what it was.  I hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally and I just didn't want to do anything.  This morning I woke up the same way.  I have an 8:00 class and I didn't get out of bed until 7:45.  I know this is going to be a really hard week for me because I lost my daddy on Oct. 10 a year ago and it hurts me that I wasn't there for him like I should have been.  I was daddy's little girl and for Christmas (the year before he died) he gave me a cross necklace with a rose in the middle of it and told me "Know matter what you do, right or wrong, I will always love you no matter what."  I always thought that daddy was superman and he would never die, and when he did it hurt.  At the time I was still with Cody and he helped for a little bit, and then made me push all my feelings about this out of the way.  I have never really cryed or let out my emotions in any way and I have a feeling that Wednesday is going to be really bad.  I alway told myself that I didn't know what I would do if daddy ever died because I didn't see a point in living with out him here.  I am hurting so bad because he isn't here to see me away from Cody and getting my life back together.  It was his dieing wish that I would go back to school and I hope this would have made him proud, but right now I just want to lay down and die.