i am feeling better now that nate should be home in the morning. i miss the little guy. i watch him overnight while my daughter works and lets put it this way....i haven't slept very well since he has been gone. my sister is trying to find a way to go see my real dad in california for christmas. his health is slipping and i have never had a christmas with him and i am 49. i have a concern and i shouldn't even let it enter into my mind. i am scared that my visit could be too much for him emotionally. i don't want him to die after i visit. crazy huh, i have heard of this in the past.since nattie died i have a fear of being the one that would have to deal with this also. living with the guilt trip that her other grandparents have put me on.. i think that if he died i would feel like it was my fault. i met him when i was 26 at his dads funeral. grandma swore that grandpa held on until the time was right and then died so that my dad and i could meet. i know that sounds sick but i would most likely believe that.better get to bed i have a test tomorrow and i'm not ready for it. gotta get up early and go to the math lab...have a good night to all.to one friend that will know who he is,,, thank you for sharing your love of God... jaime
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