Fear
Its really weird what fear can do to you. The whole drama my Ex created over the weekend helps me only understand that he did what he did for the "fear of loosing his control over me". That is a great achievement for me because i stood up for myself.
Infact he helped me realise this hot button i had - During my childhood days as soon as my dad approached the entrance door from work we dreaded how his mood was. We would run into a room sit in a corner and act as if reading even though there was huge adrenaline rush, ears all towards the door of the room. We ( me and my brother ) behaved so well even though scared because he may just come yell at us or beat us up any moment for no reason.
The whole incident of my Ex breaking down the door and barging inside my house reminded me of the incident...As i write this I cry... I wish my childhood was happy as other children were. To hell with Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Sexual maniacs, Narcissts and other pathological people... Hate them. Their dysfunction causes so much dysfunction in the family. Sometimes i even think what was my fault?
An alcoholic abusive father, Mothers suicide at age of 6 a step mom and 2 brothers and so much dysfunction in the family passing on to next generations. Have an alcoholic ex-husband a codependent to be daughter of 13, a bad relationship with an addict and what else....
In a hope that codependency recovery will help me stop this abuse to me myself any further. God be with me.
Infact he helped me realise this hot button i had - During my childhood days as soon as my dad approached the entrance door from work we dreaded how his mood was. We would run into a room sit in a corner and act as if reading even though there was huge adrenaline rush, ears all towards the door of the room. We ( me and my brother ) behaved so well even though scared because he may just come yell at us or beat us up any moment for no reason.
The whole incident of my Ex breaking down the door and barging inside my house reminded me of the incident...As i write this I cry... I wish my childhood was happy as other children were. To hell with Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Sexual maniacs, Narcissts and other pathological people... Hate them. Their dysfunction causes so much dysfunction in the family. Sometimes i even think what was my fault?
An alcoholic abusive father, Mothers suicide at age of 6 a step mom and 2 brothers and so much dysfunction in the family passing on to next generations. Have an alcoholic ex-husband a codependent to be daughter of 13, a bad relationship with an addict and what else....
In a hope that codependency recovery will help me stop this abuse to me myself any further. God be with me.
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