I am finding it hard getting through the days. Today I just did not want to get up, then I was not excited about my Hubby coming into visit. I am very tired, the nurses told me it could be it. I just do not know. I got the ho-hums.
Here at the hospital we do have activities to keep us busy & it does help but I think I need to get outside. We are going through a cold period but in a couple of days it should be getting warmer. I think I am going to go home for a visit once it is warmer. That should help my mood. In the past I just needed to force myself to get busy & my mood improved.
We also just had a memorial for all of the patients who passed away in the last yr. It is sad to think of all of my friends I have lost. That is the one thing I did not think about when I went into long term care. I try not to focus on it. Some here stop making friends & talking to people so they do not have to face it. But I like talking to people, although I do not have what you would call a real friend. Like a best buddy.
The other thing that I am not facing is the worsening of the MS. I am hoping it is going to be a slow road not a quick one. I am getting number slowly. But it is positional. It is slowly getting worse. I do have 2 discs gone in my low back & one gone in my neck so there is a part of me that hopes that is the cause of the new numbness.
I do not know if choosing to live one day at a time & not focus on the long term is actually being in denial. I do not know but I am not going to spend time on it. I am going to continue my volunteer work as it helps me more then the help I give. & I am going to try to cheer up the patients here by talking to them or giving a friendly Hi There & try to get all of this negative stuff out of my head.
The name of the chemo I took is Mitoxantrone here is some info on it,.
Mitoxantrone is an immunosuppressant, a type of medicine that reduces the activity of the immune system. It has been used to treat leukemia and some advanced prostate cancer. Multiple sclerosis (MS) appears to be a disease in which the immune system attacks the covering of the nerve fibres (myelin sheath) within the brain and spinal cord, so immunosuppressants may slow the progression of the disease. Immunosuppressants other than mitoxantrone, though, have not been shown to significantly reduce the progression of MS or the frequency of relapses.
Mitoxantrone may be injected once every 3 months for up to 3 years. A higher total dose increases the risk of serious heart damage.
Here at the hospital we do have activities to keep us busy & it does help but I think I need to get outside. We are going through a cold period but in a couple of days it should be getting warmer. I think I am going to go home for a visit once it is warmer. That should help my mood. In the past I just needed to force myself to get busy & my mood improved.
We also just had a memorial for all of the patients who passed away in the last yr. It is sad to think of all of my friends I have lost. That is the one thing I did not think about when I went into long term care. I try not to focus on it. Some here stop making friends & talking to people so they do not have to face it. But I like talking to people, although I do not have what you would call a real friend. Like a best buddy.
The other thing that I am not facing is the worsening of the MS. I am hoping it is going to be a slow road not a quick one. I am getting number slowly. But it is positional. It is slowly getting worse. I do have 2 discs gone in my low back & one gone in my neck so there is a part of me that hopes that is the cause of the new numbness.
I do not know if choosing to live one day at a time & not focus on the long term is actually being in denial. I do not know but I am not going to spend time on it. I am going to continue my volunteer work as it helps me more then the help I give. & I am going to try to cheer up the patients here by talking to them or giving a friendly Hi There & try to get all of this negative stuff out of my head.
The name of the chemo I took is Mitoxantrone here is some info on it,.
Mitoxantrone is an immunosuppressant, a type of medicine that reduces the activity of the immune system. It has been used to treat leukemia and some advanced prostate cancer. Multiple sclerosis (MS) appears to be a disease in which the immune system attacks the covering of the nerve fibres (myelin sheath) within the brain and spinal cord, so immunosuppressants may slow the progression of the disease. Immunosuppressants other than mitoxantrone, though, have not been shown to significantly reduce the progression of MS or the frequency of relapses.
Mitoxantrone may be injected once every 3 months for up to 3 years. A higher total dose increases the risk of serious heart damage.
Replies
Keep up the good work Kayce, and do whatever it takes to get you by one day at a time. Looking too far into the future can be so overwhelming, so I agree with the one day at a time. I\'m so proud of you, of the way you handle yourself and the positive outlook you continue to have! Maybe you don\'t have buddies where you live, but you definitely have a few here!! :) Love ya!
Hi there. Having a boring Tuesday so I thought I\'d read your journal. I am sorry to hear of those lost to you in the last year. It is something I\'ve thought about as I am going into long term care. I am a very out going and chatty person. The people that will be in the home is one of the positives. I am alone so much now. I hope I\'ll make some friends.
Hi!
I do hope that you soon get over this bout with depression. I get this way before the spring time. Don\'t know if it is because I dread sitting in the sunshine wanting to be outside. Which I just can\'t do because my allergies, dreading the heat of summertime or just time for a good blah session so I can enjoy not feeling so blah when better times roll around.
And sometimes it\'s just hard to try to be happy around our men when we just aren\'t feeling it.
It is hard to lose loved ones and I know it has to be doubly hard to be in a place where you lose more than the ones you would no on a casual basis if you weren\'t in long term care. I am sure that you will be an angel to those you smile and give that Hi There too. I think everyone needs friends even if it is sad when you lose them. Grieving is cumulative so when you have a service it causes you to think of other loss as well. It\'s nice to pay respects to others but also remember that one thing they liked about you was your love for living as well as you can.
Peace,Love and Hugs