My husband got home from camping today.  He started getting on my nerves when I ask him to help me move a bedframe so I could clean under the bed. He said if I couldn't move the bed, I would have to leave it that way. That lousy cavalier attitude drives me on to a binge, I am so angry. Can't I just accept that this person is not going to be what I need him to be, he is just himself and I can't make him a nicer person.Today my friend picked up my daugher, but mentioned how rude my husband was to her, how arrogant he was, last time she picked autumn up for a party when i was out. he copped an arrogant, hateful attitude with my friend, and I had to let her know he is a jerk sometimes and please forgive me for not being there, as I was on a retreat that day.Wow this writing is working. Next the kids wouldn't sit down to dinner, so I ate without them. Bye the way,.  I moved that bed and am cleaning under it. Next I am going to paint the walls turqoise for my son so he will be surprised when he comes home from camp.so here was a revelation: swallowing my feelings of anger because Jack wouldn't help me. just got to accept it and move on, not question why. but these are the little mean things that push me away from him when I am bombarded with the bullshit.the coldness, the arrogance. other people don't see it all the time, just others who have been in contact with him when he chooses to act like an ass.well, detaching with love me.

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deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey there...
for me my eating disorder was my way of coping when i felt out of control.
your journal entry reminds me of the times when somebody hurt me but i couldn\'t assert myself so i got angry wth myself and binged. I was angry on 2 levels
1- person being nasty/unpleasant to be
2 me angry with myself for not letting them know how i was feeling or for not asserting boundaries.
I had to learn all these...they came but i just got to know my triggers first.
Everytime i binged..i wrote after ( could be a day a week after) why? what happened and why did i hurt myself.

Re binging connected to abuse...for me it was but i am not sure if it is for everyone.
My abuse led to my low self worth which led me not to value me and led me to not being able to assert myself cause i thought i didn\'t have a right. Hence---i binged which began the vicious circle of low self worth.....
Hope this helps and anything..drop me a line.
Keep writing...
x