When you are raped and sexually abused, you don't know about the tender touch and playfulness. . . it is stolen away from you, it is raped from your womanhood and journey in feminity. . .and it leaves you with the flip side, a dark side, as an initiation to sexuality. these little things playfullness, flirting, all good, but the numbness comes from the trauma. a deviate sexuality emerges in response to rape and the whole act becomes perverted from innocent passion to what may be considered kinky

MY leveling out of mania has taken that flip side away, and i can't feel anything anymore. I cannot play out old role of rape victim. . . i need to go slow but wonder will my true intimate self ever emerge and feel pleasure with "normal relationship"

I have faith it will, but an eating disorder, is holding me back. So I am looking for a therapist who deals with sexual abuse, eating disorders, post traumatic stress, and sexuality. I found out there is a place in Philadelphia where I can get treatment .

I can't forget to set up that appointment.