The painting is all done and it looks better then what I ever thought it would watching my husband and father paint the baby's room made me really think OMG I'm having a baby this is really happening to me FINALLY!!! I'm really going to be a mom after four years of trying it still seems unreal that I'm having a baby I still look at my growing belly in amazement last night I went to see my newborn niece she is eight days old she was 5pounds and 9oz when she was born she was full term my family always has small babies but when I held her something felt different I have 13 nieces and nephews from age 10 all the way to the newborn and each time I would hold one of them I would wonder would I ever get to have one of these I would be so happy that they were born but on the same hand I would be so sad because I just wasn't getting pregnant it was really hard to deal with but when I held her I just felt at ease and I really didn't think about her I thought about the baby kicking inside of me I'm going to be able to give all of my nieces and nephews a little cousin to play with and that filled me with so much joy and happiness I know in a lot of my journal I talk about how bad I feel at times and sometimes when I read them I think to myself wow you really sound down but that is how I feel at the time but I'm so grateful to have this life growing inside of me because not to long ago I would have given just anything to be were I am right now this has been a really hard pregnancy I throw up for the first 17 weeks and started back throwing up and 23 weeks I can't gain any weight and I have a ton of other things that are going on with my body and sometimes I feel like I going to lose my mind I cry I smile I fuss and sometimes cuss but I'll take it however I can get it in 15 weeks and some days I will be a mother and that brings me so much joy so to all my friends still ttc just hang in there keep the faith and pray with god all things are possible and I'm a living witness to it my first marriage ended because I couldn't get pregnant and look at me now madly in love with a man that makes me a little nutty at times but in love and finally pregnant good things come to those who wait and never ever lose faith!!!