I have been going through so much these last couple of months it seems unreal that trying to a have a baby could cause all of these feelings I know that god never puts more on you than you can handle and I really belive that sometimes I really felt that trying to start my family would be the end of my marriage I know that it has been just as hard on my husband as it has been on me maybe sometimes harder because he has to worry about us trying to get pregnant and then having to worry about me and what all of this has been doing to me and I think that sometimes I have really been hard on him to hard on him I think but he has really been loving and understanding I really think that I have been pushing him away and sometimes just fussing for no reason just so that we can have a fight at one point it was so bad we were thinking maybe we needed space and we know that is not what we really want we really love each other my husband is my life I really do not know what I would do with out him on friday my husband did something so sweet for me he took me out and had my nails done brought me a lovely bracelet with the matching earrings and a new pair of shoes then to top it all of he took me out to dinner we didn't talk about having a baby not one time and for once it was not even on my mind I just enjoyed being with my husband I had truly forgotten what it was like just to be in love and be loved I really missed that it can sometimes be so easy to forget or loss sight of what is most important and life is to short to be unhappy so my husband and I our going to take a brake not a long one just a month or two and I'm looking forward to getting back to where we should be I want a baby so badly but I love my husband to much to let it come between us I want to have it all a baby with a loving husband and he wants a baby with a loving wife not just for it each other but for the life we a trying to create the bible says that first comes the lord then your spouse then your children and I know that as long as I'm strong in my faith that the lord we help me with the rest because with god all things are possible all things!!!