DAY 9
I'm grateful for this site and for all the support from everyone. It makes it bearable.
Today my mom and I are going to this great outdoor shopping mall. We are going to have lunch at this great Tuscan restaurant called Brio. Sometimes I wish there was an on/off button for my memory. If I could erase my memory for just a few hours so I could enjoy myself. But unfortunately our brain will trigger an emotion at anytime.
Anyway, I want to start moving on with my life. I want to be happy. I'm trying. I spoke to my friend who is also my age (25). She lost her mother tragically in a car accident 3 years ago. Her mother had drug problems and their relationship was strained so she said that was especially hard. But now she says she has gotten to a point where she is ok with everything.
So if she can get through it, I'm sure I can. I had a great relationship with my Dad. I appreciated him and showed it. And we had time to prepare for his death. I told him I loved him a million times, and told him I will tell my kids all about him, and just thank you for being the best daddy ever. Think this helps the healing process? Thank you all. I appreciate each one of you. :)
Today my mom and I are going to this great outdoor shopping mall. We are going to have lunch at this great Tuscan restaurant called Brio. Sometimes I wish there was an on/off button for my memory. If I could erase my memory for just a few hours so I could enjoy myself. But unfortunately our brain will trigger an emotion at anytime.
Anyway, I want to start moving on with my life. I want to be happy. I'm trying. I spoke to my friend who is also my age (25). She lost her mother tragically in a car accident 3 years ago. Her mother had drug problems and their relationship was strained so she said that was especially hard. But now she says she has gotten to a point where she is ok with everything.
So if she can get through it, I'm sure I can. I had a great relationship with my Dad. I appreciated him and showed it. And we had time to prepare for his death. I told him I loved him a million times, and told him I will tell my kids all about him, and just thank you for being the best daddy ever. Think this helps the healing process? Thank you all. I appreciate each one of you. :)
Replies
I read in your journal. You seem to be able to move on if only slowly, that\'s great. Your dad is okay, enjoy your time with your mom, that would make your dad really happy. Remember i said i was going to stay over my mom\'s house well I did and i\'m back and forth right now because of my computer getting fixed. The first day I was there, it was very peaceful; the second day I was there the phone was ringing I had it on the dining room table and when I went to pick it up it wasn\'t ringing but I heard the phone ringing, right next to where my mom used to sit it was ringing but when I answered the regular phone it was a new dial tone and while I had it in my hand the other part was still ringing next to my mom\'s chair. I DO KNOW SHE IS AROUND BECAUSE THERE ARE ALOT OF PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW IN THE FAMILY and I know she sees it and is telling me I\'m here for you. tc xo
Hi I notice you are on a roller coaster of emotions thats the bereavement process the up and down feelings do ease with time but I still get them it will be 3 months this month. Also the month of my moms birthday and mine next month. I am preparing myself now for those 2 days. I am glad you feel some what at peace with the way things ended thats how I feel too. I was able to tell her how much I loved her and we said some really nice things (although at times I feel like I didn\'t). I know thats normal. That was the only good thing about losing a loved one to a terminal illness. There is not a day that goes by that I dont miss her and I am sure for you too. I am sure your dad is still with you even though you cant see him. I was really upset tonight and felt my moms presence like she is still here for me when I need her.