2023 Will it be a good Year??

Another new Year has come, as I see it things are not getting any better health wise. The same goes with my family. As I gather going on 13 days into the New Year it is starting to feel the same as it started in 2022. This is what has transpired so far.

My experience this past weekend. Ever since the starting of the holidays my mind in a state of turmoil, losing my car due to an accident. Only later having injuries suddenly creep up, blurry vision in my left eye, issues with my neck causing me pain with degenerative spine being aggravated and I am feeling more pain. Then wasn't invited to any family holiday dinners, nor a Happy Birthday as things just keep getting worse. I spent Christmas in Maryland hoping to be in good company. only to have turkey wings. she offered me to move in but kept her house cold. Arby's wouldn't be able to pay my wage being 30 mins each way. But I will be making more than their shift managers. So I had to turn her down, my depression getting worse every minute. But there's some happy news sort of, my daughter had her baby 4 weeks premature on O2 also hearing that my daughter having issues with her kidneys and liver. That information was from my wife, she told me that I will be kept in the loop, but that was last Wednesday, haven't heard anything since. I have been texting her every day. when I try to call her it immediately goes to voice mail making me believe that she has blocked me. my emotions in my head were walking down a dangerous path again but this past weekend I met a lady that lives Rehoboth Beach Del. as she rented out a room in Cape May as we spent the night with each other, having my first lesbian affair along with some chemicals to enhance the evening that made me feel really good for the next several days, as I need something to relieve me from my depression. Even though I know that they are still there when I come off this high but I needed it so badly. I hope that I will continue to see her and maybe it can become my partner but of course I am not going to get my hopes up too much only to have them collapse. I hope and pray that that my dream will come true in having someone like her that will love me for who I am.

But as time continues I still haven't heard from my wife about my grandson or Gabby no less. I just hope that everyone is alright. I have tried to call but at the first ring I get her voice mail and nothing from Gabby, I am worried. I don't think no will tell me anything but I will keep trying.

I have been keeping myself away from DJ because his interests is nothing but sex and I just want me and to me that is not a relationship. I just keep telling him that I am still emotional unstable which is the truth I still am and I don't need to have his drama adding on to my problems.

Once in awhile I will think about the past and in finding ways for a better solution to make myself better but I am not having any luck with it.

As for my career in modeling I have managed to get my 4k down to 1900 I have been using my credit cards but the higher I use them the monthly payments are creeping up which is expected. Even though I have 1200 in my savings I am still be cautious not to pay it off completely. For reasons being that at work my hours have been cut and the prior years since I have been out of work due to me being laid up from the hospital my weekly benefits ain't worth mentioning. I can't make over $199 a week and so far I am not down to that point in time but since the insurance went up another $25 to 357 every two weeks I am getting a shitty pay check. I have been checking around to see if anyone carries Trans- Healthcare but with no luck and I can't drop the insurance that I have or else I will be without any. I guess Temple has given up on as I just called them to find out if they made any progress but apparently they are at a road block due to the insurance. I have not heard anything from the so called American family clearing house and their scam trying to get more money from me which was a big mistake and the same with Dush and another one that wants to help me which is bull crap and I am not going to do this again this year. All bunch of liars and I am not going to do it anymore as I can't find anyone to help retrieve the money I poured into it over 5k I could have used it for something else and not towards their pockets. I guess it’s a lesson learned but I am not going to fall for it again. A person claiming to work for 7 years with a company and tells me that they never ran into such problems, that is a lie in its self. A person would be knowledgeable in their line of work. I am no longer going to be used by people ever again.