Well I have not wrote in the good ol’ journal in a few days so I figured I would splatter my thoughts down on DS.  I received some questionnaires in the mail from SSDI department and had to work on filling them out this weekend.  I had 2 to fill out that just asked about previous jobs and then 1 asking about day to day activities and other information.  I let them know about all my problems all my delusions skitso moments psychotic moments etc… My mother even had to fill out a questionnaire also I couldn’t help her with the answers but it’s funny after we got done I asked her about some of them and she was just as honest as I was.  My family knows I have problems and I am not available to work at this time so does my pdoc he is the one that suggested me to go on disability.  I guess it’s just fighting the system now and proving to them that I am not fit for any type of job right now.  I am a little nervous about them sending me to a different pdoc to do an evaluation on me.  I don’t see how a 1 hour session can determine the extent of someone’s bipolar disorder.  All in all I am getting better but for the most part it’s because my medication is starting to work and I am not stressed out about my working situation.  I still have subliminal messages and voices in my head but not near as bad as previously when I was so stressed.  I hate having to mooch off my parents whenever they are struggling to pay their bills also.  I guess on a brighter note I am trying to sell my 03 jaguar and since its tax time maybe people will have money to buy it so I can get myself out of debt.  Speaking of taxes I suppose to be getting close to 1K back so that will help me out a lot.  Well I guess I can also hope that George Bush will pass the rebate check so maybe I can get an extra $800.00 dollars or so anything at this point helps.  Gerr I hate my disorder.