Today I wake from a 4 day depression cycle , after learning some information that certain things have been happening in my life and I have no control over them.  It really hurts to face reality but sometimes we all have to do it.  I am still not 100% over the truth of things I have discovered, but I really just wish things could get a little better.  Pressure is such a negative word and when applied to someone that don't deserve it psychologicaly it's unfair.  I guess life is unfair, but it all depends on what you make of it.  I know the expression about if life gives you lemmons make lemmonaide, well if life gives you lemmonaide I guess you have to drink it.  There is so much that has happend to me that I discovered that is so wrong I feel like I have been raped in the mind.  The system for which I have to live in , is so wrong.  I have this thing I have call it an illness or call it a disorder call it whatever you want.  I know what it really is and thats what hurts the worse.  I pray that I can start feeling better soon.  I hate having these thoughts that are beemed into my brain cycle so fast.  I don't even feel human anymore.Nick