Today is 9/12/07 After getting back from the flyleaf concert , I have to say I had a great time.  I met someone pretty interesting that talked to me a little bit about my condition, he said his girlfriend has it.  Kind of Ironic , but I guess everything happens for a reason.  My friend and I had a great time and really enjoyed the show, we didn't stay for the whole thing because well I have a Dr. appointment today.  Speaking, of if anyone is reading this please pray for me that my heart is not in to bad of condition.  I am going today just to get one of those digital readout chest belt deal stuck on. I am not for sure the medical term for it so I will just call it that lol.  I am in a good mood tho because I got to see my friend Rodney last night.  He was not able to get into the show because of unexpected reasons.  It was good just seeing he is alive and doing okay.  Seems to be working a lot , that I Envy.  I can not wait till I am working again.  I sit here everyday at my mothers and fathers house and have to watch them pay my bills its not fun at all makes me just wanna go ahaed and fuck myself for the next 7 years and file bankruptcy.  If I had a job I could consolidate my debt, but I know that costs money and I have no job at the moment.  I want to do a lot of things with my new life knowing that illegal substances will forever be out of my system.  I just hope all the drugs the doctors have me on don't put me 6 feet under before something natural does. I am thankful for just being alive and having great friends that put up with me and try their best to understand my true illness.  I just wanna be a women. lmao.  Some say I have split personalities, but it's funny cause it's all my attitude I picked most of it up from my Sister Jill.  Although, something or someone has changed her real attitiude but I guess I have to deal with the change.  The only flaw I think I have on my attitude is that I need to learn to focus and listen sometimes.  I think I know it all. LOL.  I know I am freaking ignorant when it comes to book smarts but just in real life street smarts :) I think I can hold my own pretty well.   Maybe not "streets" but just life.  I also have people coming to look at my Sofa and Loveseat later today maybe someone will purchase it, if not then o well.  There has been so many calls. I am sure it will sale sometime soon.  I also pray that my fathers 3000GT will sale soon.  Wow, I just got a call from a medical office wanting me to be a runner for them for medical records.  I thought about what they are paying Vs. Wear ant Tear on my car and gas and I more than likely will not do it.  Athough I need the money I don't think it will outweight the wear and tear on my car.  There will be more part time jobs , I pray.--Nick