Today is 8/18/07 as I sit and drink my thereputic tea and take a kalanopin my paranoid skizopherina is kicking in.  Oh know! someone help me !  I think the world is out to get me.  Or maybe not the world that I know but only a dark shadow driven world. Everything people say evolve around my past and the bad things I have done.  It has got to the point to where I am laughing at my past because it has already happened and I cannot change that, although I can learn from my mistakes and grow into a very powerful person that can help others learn how to cope and manage and deal with the SAME situations I am in.  It's so funny because sometimes I think the GOVERNEMENT is watching me because they have nothing else better to do with their time.  They make fun of me and they are out to kill me because they used me as a mind control experiemnet test while living in knoxville and tried to induce suicide on me.  I thought I was just creating all this , untill I e-mailed a gentleman that worked at the lab named sharaj and after I e-mailed him and he was my roommate next thing I know people are trying to run me off roads and trying to poison me and trying to mentally touture me untill I try suicide again , and it will NEVER EVER work.  When you make a promise to god that the people that have hurt you will have to see what they create and what a mistake they are doing then thats when I will be allowed to die.  I think they are catching on to what they are doing to people in the world these days.  I mean look at anna nicole smith.  Natural causes? Please give me a break look how inoccent the poor lady looked when people took complete controll over her.  Thats what happens when you get away from what you know is real and what you have been taught in your life.  The governement wants me to get out on my own so they can controll me and take advantage of me again and try to kill me for the 10000000 time.  I am just going to go about my day as I normaly do and if something happens to me.  It will be all a coverup from the federal government.   I love living my life and helping others and have no desire to do what I did in the past.  If they want to bring it to me and show me what I have done in my face well they already have but if they want to bring it to a legal matter a blackmail matter a JOIN THE AIRFORCE or you will be going to jail tactic that has been used on many of people , then bring it.  I am ready for whatever you have.  To write books about what you are doing to peoples brains with cell phone towers how you are destroying God's design would be the best thing I could ever do in my life. If the government would pay for me to sit in a room in a jail with a pen and paper and pay for my living conditions food etc.. How great would it be.  I am ready are you ?--Nick