After being clean for almost a year now today I had a stupid thought of doing meth with all my old buddies and how it would just make everything so much better in my life.  Maybe for the time being, but my health is downhill as it is, I Would rather go out of this world knowing that I am trying to better myself and understanding what exaclty has happend in my life and the things that I did and the things people did to me.  I think I have a little bit of life left to live, I mean my father keeps telling me I am young.  I keep getting a physical from a local health care provider and says everything is fine with me.  I have a shrink, well I think everything is fine, but he thinks I have problems lol but I think he has problems so I donno I think he should be paying for my help sometimes. hahah. My supreme spiritual being is very proud of me because of letting people know the real source of who is above who.  The stupid insurance company I had before I had a mental breakdown at work is sqwaking at me like little money grubbin whore face pathetic excuse for animals they are.  I think they said my chest X ray was free, "WONDER WHY".  Well I hope they start getting the finincial things in the right direction going forward because if not without means of payment comes desperate times , desperate time comes well not giving a shit about what happens to me but only going after the ones that LIE LIE LIE LIE to me and hurt me.  I don't want that to happen.  Well my furniture is for sale I just got the inseam redone it looks actualy Very nice.  someone will be getting one good deal. Maybe my father can sale his care in the near future it will make someone a nice care.  Alien or a yankee.  Well off here and back to enjoying BT.---Nick