Today is Roy's first birthday in heaven. Last year we had all the family together and celebrated the big 60! I cooked fish and all his favorite sides. Today ours sons and grandchildren were here and I planted a rose bush named Love and one named Peace. I treasure the memories of our life together but still struggling to understand what lies ahead. I had a total meltdown at work yesterday. Others were laughing having a good time and all I feel is sad and alone. It will be 11 months next week since this grief journey began and I see no end in sight.