2018 thus far
I am presently staying with my sister. I've just recently gotten out of the hospital. I had diverticulitis and it blew a hole in my colon. I lay in my sisters house growing septic and dying for two days before the hospital that claimed I had stomach virus called her on the phone and said rush me to er. I now have a colostomy bag hanging from my left side. I lay in the hospital for two weeks in a coma.. The docs not knowing if I would wake up or if I'd be brain damaged or what.. I woke up completely paralyzed.. The only thing I could move was my eyes.. Here I am like three months later growing physically stronger everyday.. But emotionally I'm wrecked.. I do not want to live at my sisters .. I want a place of my own but I can't afford anything half decent on what I get from soc sec every month.. My food stamps were shut off while I was in the hospital.. I'm constantly running back and forth from one doctor to the next and I'm totally a burden on my sister because she has to take me everywhere I go.. The doctors say its pretty much a miracle I'm still alive after all I've been through.. I have borderline personality disorder.. COpd.. AFibrilation .. COngestive heart failure..Depression.. Anxiety.. Disk degenerative disease in my back and scoliosis .. Now the docs telling me I may have an autoimmune disease as well... I can't allow anyone to see me upset or talk to anyone about anything or I'm accused of throwing myself a pity party . I can't help but think why bother saving me to live in this hell but some say my higher power has a purpose for me here on earth.. Sigh.. But I'm so tired.. I know I can't end my life and I really have no desire to.. But I'm so tired.. I need a break.. Something to go right for once in my life.. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest .. I wish I could say it helped but it really changes nothing. The situation is still the same .. I keep fighting for a life that isn't worth living .. I hope despite all you are going through out there that you too will continue to battle your demons as hard as I battle mine.. Much love and once again thank you <3
Replies
Glad you mentioned the journal in replying to your post. As you add friends, they will get a notification when you journal as long as you hit the friends button. Posts in the groups let all members of that group read them. Don't have scoliosis or a colostomy bag, but have the rest plus PKD, essential tremor, and a few other things. I would wonder about you if you hadn't become an emotional wreck after all you went through. DS is about folks openly honestly sharing where they are at. That is not a pity party, but the means to get and give support. You feel you are a burden to your sister. She may feel glad that she has her brother and is doing what loving siblings do. BTW, hope you have looked at a lawsuit for the misdiagnosis. Comforting hugs.
BTW, hitting someone's name on a post or reply takes you to their profile. I just hit the add friend button on yours, so you will get a notification to accept the friend request or not. Just go back to your profile and you will see pending under your friend list until you accept it. Messages are private e-mails to others on DS, as are hugs.