2015. who knew id still be on this site.

theres this weird part of me that wants to be normal and work a shit job. get mad at sex workers and their easy money while hating my life but knowing ill be something better someday. get back together with my ex and be a part of their family again, something i never really had, i fucked that up real hard tho. go shopping for material bullshit and have that fulfill me. whatever whatever tragic bullshit whatever comes with normality you know.








why cant i ever be satisfied?







 



i have something and i just want more more more

 



i want to consume until it kills me

 



i want something in my life to kill me or my life is meaningless

 



occording to the voices in my head

 



'voices'=me

 



i seriously cringe when i think about my ex and how far i ran that downhill and how far i fucked things up and how shitty of an alchy i am

 



gonna drown myself in beer and cut myself with razor blades and barbed wire and emotions until somehow maybe i can turn myself inside out, exposed, show my real self , my horrendously ugly self



 



maybe then people will finally leave me alone and ill get what ive deserved all along

 



for being a 'horrible person'

 



lalal my writing is better when im intoxicated and horribly mentally fucked