2015 life's creation

A thought just hit me. After my husband left, and then my abuser was arrested, my friends were gone, I lost my job, my house, my dog. I lost who I was. I have been trying to rebuild me or find me these few years BUT I have changed. I am no longer innocent, naive. I am hardening and that i where my fight lies. I am fighting myself because I am HAVING to become who I never wanted to be. I used to always discuss with my husband that good prevails. But once I finish leaving a trapped dying man, take even more year from a man because of true fear. I am realizing that good doesn't prevail if you have to self preserve and if I complete these acts, the very person who I am trying to find will no longer exist. It will be my forced acceptance that bad wins. The self I seek has been gone. Life took her away, and now my actions whether valid or not are creating someone I wouldn't like.