2013 Update

I kinda abandoned this site...
It was random...one day I just got way too caught up in reality, and keeping up with my mail here (as well as other things) was no longer a priority. Looking back, I feel bad because, these sites got me through some rough times, and, I was always feeling as if I was helping others by being on here and having that openness to chat.
I decided to come back for multiple reasons...so let me explain to you what the rest of my 2012 and my-now 2013 has been like and/or looked like last year when I finally left this place:
 
In August of 2012...I found out that my partner/Tasmara was going to be shipped overseas to Germany. This sent me into freak-out mode for multiple reasons.1.) Taz and I weren't married2.) I didn't want her going that far3.) even if we were married, the Army would not sponsor me to go with her because of DOMA4.) While in Germany Taz might get deployed5.) I could only see her 4 days out of the year if I did not find some way to move there...The list went on-and-on. In a panic...I reached out for the help of the military wives and g/f's located on my other 'help' site called MSOS (Military Spousal Support). I figured that these people had traveled so much that some of them must have some connections or maybe know how to help me out. But, all I got was a bunch of woman writing me and telling me that I was silly for trying to live there, that I would never make it, and that perhaps it was best to love Taz from a distance and make it work that way.I mean...some of them had a point. Obviously, keeping our relationship alive over that much time would really prove that we were meant for each other. But, the way they said it and made it sound so easy...I mean, the longest their lovers have ever been gone has been 18 months or less at a time...it just really rubbed me the wrong way. I had already decided that I was moving there and did not want people criticizing my decision to do so...I just wanted some resources and some help!
So...that was a bad route.
Next, I decided to reach out to "Wipeout Homophobia" on Facebook. This group stretched all over the world, and they were constantly showing their support for those who suffered under DOMA and because the military did not recognize their relationships and/or marriages. Through them, I met a girl named Stephani Lurati, and she helped me a lot in the months to come. She looked up information for how to get my visa...she looked for jobs, for places for me to live. Luckily, I ended up getting a job transfer from Amazon.com (where I worked) to one of their facilities in Germany, but I still had a long way to go...
---Funds to fly---Passport---Moving out of my apartment---finding a place to live in Germany---Getting the appropriate documentation to work in Germany---etc. etc. etc.
It seemed like the list of things I needed to do in order to stay in the Country legally was never-ending. I flew in on January, 19th of this year and all hell broke loose. The apartment I was supposed to have had been evicted and I ended up homeless. I was illegally living on a military base in Ansbach until I found out that all the documentation needed for my job and visa could not be obtained until I had a valid address.I finally found a flat that I could afford and then the nightmare began of gathering all the papers for my visa...and even today I have still not started working because of this slow, process.
Right now...I am on the brink of so many mental breakdowns over many things. Taz and I had some issues that we are still trying to work through, I'm not even sure if we will last together as a couple. I am running out of money...and quick!! I don't want to head back to the States because I don't want to leave Taz but I miss the United States so very much...because I have learned the hard way that vacationing somewhere, and living somewhere...are too different things.
I am lonely here...I have no friends that can come and cheer me up, and so DailyStrength, I have come to you again to perhaps offer me the support I truly need to get me through these rough times.
So there you have it...this is why I have been gone. Granted, there are many things I have failed to place here merely because this blog is long enough as it is. But thank you for taking the time to read it nonetheless. I feel that you will be seeing more of me around.