Depressed
Feeling all the signs and symptoms. I feel like I have reached out but people in my life don't get it. To them, "I am depressed" means "I am a little sad".
This is more. Scary more.
I was going to talk to the dr. Huz made the appointment for me for my sinus infection and didn't warn me it was idiot doctor. Her cure for everything (and I DO mean everything - from my son's sleep complaints to my daughter's cramps to a test coming back positive for bile in my urine) is to drink chamomile tea.
Ragweed tea ain't gonna cure this.
I just couldn't bear bringing it up to idiot doctor only to find myself frustrated and annoyed and dismissed. I feel dismissed on too many other fronts.
I know a lot of this is anniversaries (huz's affair started 4 years ago this month, grandma died Nov 2000) and crappy situations at home and seasonal stuff and not being able to go outside because of the thick smoke from all the fires and upcoming holiday season dread and that, well, I just tend to get depressed this time of year. A lot is that I have been taking 2 kids to coundeling every week for many, many months - but I have NO ONE to talk to.
I am severely obsessing over the OW. I get to hear from anyone I am brave enough to talk to about it that I am weak. Stupid. Wasting my time. Inviting trouble. Causing my own problems. Ok. But. That doesn't stop the thoughts, either. So great. I am a shitty person. I guess I deserve this misery?
I am not ok. I don't remember how to be ok.
This is more. Scary more.
I was going to talk to the dr. Huz made the appointment for me for my sinus infection and didn't warn me it was idiot doctor. Her cure for everything (and I DO mean everything - from my son's sleep complaints to my daughter's cramps to a test coming back positive for bile in my urine) is to drink chamomile tea.
Ragweed tea ain't gonna cure this.
I just couldn't bear bringing it up to idiot doctor only to find myself frustrated and annoyed and dismissed. I feel dismissed on too many other fronts.
I know a lot of this is anniversaries (huz's affair started 4 years ago this month, grandma died Nov 2000) and crappy situations at home and seasonal stuff and not being able to go outside because of the thick smoke from all the fires and upcoming holiday season dread and that, well, I just tend to get depressed this time of year. A lot is that I have been taking 2 kids to coundeling every week for many, many months - but I have NO ONE to talk to.
I am severely obsessing over the OW. I get to hear from anyone I am brave enough to talk to about it that I am weak. Stupid. Wasting my time. Inviting trouble. Causing my own problems. Ok. But. That doesn't stop the thoughts, either. So great. I am a shitty person. I guess I deserve this misery?
I am not ok. I don't remember how to be ok.
Replies
Hugs, dear. Get thee to a doc who can get you something prescribed and better than tea!
Ugh.. Wtf! Some doctors are very dismissive and never look at the whole person.. They just look at a disease here and now.
I am so sorry you have to go through this crap!!
((( hugs)))
Say what? YOU weak???? YOU inviting trouble? As my Portuguese friend would call them \"stupids!\". Don\'t mind them. They have no idea what they are saying, even if they wish you well.
The truth is that you are completely burned out. Chamomile, as wonderful as it is (I am serious here, lots of new research, me thinks your idiot doctor thought she was being very modern.....), it won\'t cut it. You do need real antidepressants to help you get out from that hole life pushed you in. It is too deep for you to get out on your own. And that\'s ok. Depression sucks big time. Your brain is sinking in blackness. You need help to turn the switch on.... Treat yourself to a good psychiatrist. There are some that also do medical psychotherapy and that would be the best in your case. Someone you can talk to AND prescribe. I wish I could send you to mine as she is truly fabulous. Sigh. Google opinions about drs in your area. And go.
And if it makes you feel any better in a twisted sort of way - you made me feel so much better that I am not the only one who has periods of time obsessing over OW...... And even if i don\'t obsess about her (the main one) I have thoughts about her biting me like pest every single day. I guess this is part of the package we were served. Chronic disease that hits you with exacerbation every now and then.
Seek help please. We are totally wonderful here but in this case it won\'t do.
Praying for you, Allora!! Sending support, thoughts, hugs and prayers.