I am a personal and parental failure. That\'s all. No big deal.
I want to do better - desperately. But I don\'t seem to be able to turn things around no matter how many different tactics I\'ve tried. From being the hardass and taking EVERYTHING away from my delinquent son, to coddling and praising every tiny thing (and trust me, it has to be tiny things cos there are no big things he\'s doing \"right\") he\'s still spun completely out of control.
I am tired. And frustrated. And my daughter is a mess. In spite of months and months of counseling, she still will sit and cry and cry and cry before school and not even vocalize what\'s wrong or try to help herself. Look, I get being, let\'s say, tired. Or let\'s say, unenthusiastic about getting up and going to school. But geeze, you get your ass out of bed and you just DO it. Even if all you do is halfass it until you get into the rhythm, you just DO it. You don\'t shut down and become a total mess.
And everyone\'s like, \"OMG there must be some huge emotional trauma going on!\" No. My daughter is just ... fragile? Like every tiny thing will break her very spirit. Aronia has written about her hardships and I think to myself: if my daughter even had ONE day replaced with one of Aronia\'s childhood days, my daughter would have just killed herself (literally) because she couldn\'t take it.
I don\'t need my kid to be some hardass, but it would be nice if she could, you know - FUNCTION - in basic society. What the hell do I do with her? How can I help her when she doesn\'t even seem interested in helping herself?
Yesterday, when she pulled the same crap right before basketball practice, I told her, \"Look, you have two choices. You can either knock off the crying and hold it all inside and keep going forward like nothing\'s wrong - OR - you can talk to me and we can problem solve this together.\" When she refused to answer I got really frustrated and said, \"OK. You made your choice. Knock off the crying, cos I don\'t want to hear it.\"
I don\'t want to be that person. I don\'t want to be cruel and tell my kids not to feel things. But geeze. If she\'s not going to try to fix it she needs to nut up and knock that shit off.
I\'m so sorry, that is so frustrating!!! I would talk to my daughter the same way because I\'m sick of her trying to pull off the fragile flower thing which she has done before, but not to the extent your daughter is doing. Have you explored the possibility of a chemical imbalance in her body/brain?
Yes, she has seen a psychiatrist - he said, \"I am hesitant to put her on medication,\" though he admitted he may be missing something and that a brain scan would be a good idea. Sadly, our insurance won\'t cover the full extent of the testing and at $600-$800 out of pocket, it got pushed to the back burner.
Plus, what pdoc doesn\'t just send you home with an RX? I think he\'s right - other options should be explored first.
As it turned out, after weeping quietly and refusing to participate in practice for the first 20 min, she DID finally nut up and play and actually had fun. I am thinking when everyone refused to be her audience, she quit drama queening and got over herself.
She was grounded for 2/3 of the weekend for missing the bus so many yimes and for her room being trashed. She cleaned her room and tonight she laid out her clothes and made her lunch for tomorrow. Progress? Hopefully, she can stay on track this week.
My demon spawn son had been eerily PLEASANT. Not just compliant or non argumentative, but actually pleasant! I am terrified for what that means. Maybe he is slow poisoning our water supply.
Wow, I am just picturing you in a foxhole lobbing parental grenades at your kids, lol.
Well, sounds like your daughter has been responding to the \"nut up\" challenge so she\'s proven she can pull her shit together. She does seem to be a drama queen so for you to not give her any sort of sympathy or even negative attention will do wonders, I think. How old is she?
And your son, wow. How old is he? What\'s his story?
Is it time to send him to a third world country for a month so he could appreciate how good he has it? I\'ve often muttered \"military school\" myself regarding my kids.
I think almost all 13-year olds suffer from some type of chemical/hormonal imbalance. There are also way to many stressors our society puts on them in their everyday lives,
My only suggestion would be to go back to another doctor, or even the same one, and ask for another opinion. You could ask if they could put her on a baby dose of antidepressants for a six-month trial period to see if she feels better. They can give even small children a baby dose--like 1/8 of a Prozac tablet. When I was going through menopause--the other side of puberty--my doctor started me on that dose and I started feeling better in 48 hours.
The issue with medications is that they can be (literally) life savers - but via my family history, they can also trigger suicidal thoughts and intent. My biological father killed himself after being put on meds, and I almost did after being put on a low dose of Effexor.
The brain scan (forgive me, I forget what it was called... I want to say comprehensive eeg?) they want to give Jen gives a much better \"picture\" of which meds will be most effective. They can also see where there are brain vulnerabilities that may not show blatantly in actual behavior. It\'s our best bet for determining which meds (if any) will be safest for her. It\'s just a matter of stashing away enough money to be able to afford it.
And yeah, my son really needs some time in a labor camp for him to see how good he has it. He was being SO freaking pleasant and kind and enjoyable for almost three days straight - and then - boom - Demon Son back in the house, again. It was nice seeing a different side for a few days, at least. I KNOW his problem, though. He\'s 17 and has more privileged than responsibility. Wish I could determine my daughter\'s issue so easily.
Replies
Yup.
Hugs.
What happened?
What Aronia said... you okay?
I am a personal and parental failure. That\'s all. No big deal.
I want to do better - desperately. But I don\'t seem to be able to turn things around no matter how many different tactics I\'ve tried. From being the hardass and taking EVERYTHING away from my delinquent son, to coddling and praising every tiny thing (and trust me, it has to be tiny things cos there are no big things he\'s doing \"right\") he\'s still spun completely out of control.
I am tired. And frustrated. And my daughter is a mess. In spite of months and months of counseling, she still will sit and cry and cry and cry before school and not even vocalize what\'s wrong or try to help herself. Look, I get being, let\'s say, tired. Or let\'s say, unenthusiastic about getting up and going to school. But geeze, you get your ass out of bed and you just DO it. Even if all you do is halfass it until you get into the rhythm, you just DO it. You don\'t shut down and become a total mess.
And everyone\'s like, \"OMG there must be some huge emotional trauma going on!\" No. My daughter is just ... fragile? Like every tiny thing will break her very spirit. Aronia has written about her hardships and I think to myself: if my daughter even had ONE day replaced with one of Aronia\'s childhood days, my daughter would have just killed herself (literally) because she couldn\'t take it.
I don\'t need my kid to be some hardass, but it would be nice if she could, you know - FUNCTION - in basic society. What the hell do I do with her? How can I help her when she doesn\'t even seem interested in helping herself?
Yesterday, when she pulled the same crap right before basketball practice, I told her, \"Look, you have two choices. You can either knock off the crying and hold it all inside and keep going forward like nothing\'s wrong - OR - you can talk to me and we can problem solve this together.\" When she refused to answer I got really frustrated and said, \"OK. You made your choice. Knock off the crying, cos I don\'t want to hear it.\"
I don\'t want to be that person. I don\'t want to be cruel and tell my kids not to feel things. But geeze. If she\'s not going to try to fix it she needs to nut up and knock that shit off.
I\'m so sorry, that is so frustrating!!! I would talk to my daughter the same way because I\'m sick of her trying to pull off the fragile flower thing which she has done before, but not to the extent your daughter is doing. Have you explored the possibility of a chemical imbalance in her body/brain?
And how did she do after you made the choice for her to go to basketball practice?
Yes, she has seen a psychiatrist - he said, \"I am hesitant to put her on medication,\" though he admitted he may be missing something and that a brain scan would be a good idea. Sadly, our insurance won\'t cover the full extent of the testing and at $600-$800 out of pocket, it got pushed to the back burner.
Plus, what pdoc doesn\'t just send you home with an RX? I think he\'s right - other options should be explored first.
As it turned out, after weeping quietly and refusing to participate in practice for the first 20 min, she DID finally nut up and play and actually had fun. I am thinking when everyone refused to be her audience, she quit drama queening and got over herself.
She was grounded for 2/3 of the weekend for missing the bus so many yimes and for her room being trashed. She cleaned her room and tonight she laid out her clothes and made her lunch for tomorrow. Progress? Hopefully, she can stay on track this week.
Oh. And.
My demon spawn son had been eerily PLEASANT. Not just compliant or non argumentative, but actually pleasant! I am terrified for what that means. Maybe he is slow poisoning our water supply.
Wow, I am just picturing you in a foxhole lobbing parental grenades at your kids, lol.
Well, sounds like your daughter has been responding to the \"nut up\" challenge so she\'s proven she can pull her shit together. She does seem to be a drama queen so for you to not give her any sort of sympathy or even negative attention will do wonders, I think. How old is she?
And your son, wow. How old is he? What\'s his story?
Jen is 13. I guess drama queen goes with the age, to some extent.
My son\'s story is long and painful. His asshattery knows no bounds.
Is it time to send him to a third world country for a month so he could appreciate how good he has it? I\'ve often muttered \"military school\" myself regarding my kids.
I think almost all 13-year olds suffer from some type of chemical/hormonal imbalance. There are also way to many stressors our society puts on them in their everyday lives,
My only suggestion would be to go back to another doctor, or even the same one, and ask for another opinion. You could ask if they could put her on a baby dose of antidepressants for a six-month trial period to see if she feels better. They can give even small children a baby dose--like 1/8 of a Prozac tablet. When I was going through menopause--the other side of puberty--my doctor started me on that dose and I started feeling better in 48 hours.
The issue with medications is that they can be (literally) life savers - but via my family history, they can also trigger suicidal thoughts and intent. My biological father killed himself after being put on meds, and I almost did after being put on a low dose of Effexor.
The brain scan (forgive me, I forget what it was called... I want to say comprehensive eeg?) they want to give Jen gives a much better \"picture\" of which meds will be most effective. They can also see where there are brain vulnerabilities that may not show blatantly in actual behavior. It\'s our best bet for determining which meds (if any) will be safest for her. It\'s just a matter of stashing away enough money to be able to afford it.
And yeah, my son really needs some time in a labor camp for him to see how good he has it. He was being SO freaking pleasant and kind and enjoyable for almost three days straight - and then - boom - Demon Son back in the house, again. It was nice seeing a different side for a few days, at least. I KNOW his problem, though. He\'s 17 and has more privileged than responsibility. Wish I could determine my daughter\'s issue so easily.
Maybe the same? *shrug*