Birthday
My birthday was Dec. 14 so H and I spent the weekend away. It was heavenly.
Some of it was a nice "redo" for the things that went awry last year. Some was just knowing more clearly what I wanted.
We started to fuss around with finding a way to document our trips and share them, but it just didn't work out. I got the distinct feeling that he wasn't invested, though he kept saying he was. (In the documenting the trip, not the trip itself.) I've been blogging since 1999. It's just what I do. So for me, it seemed like a natural idea to share trips we take, but for him? Not so much. Part of it is a dude/chick thing, and part is just him/me.
I do wish I could find a project for us that we could work on together. We don't have many hobbies or interests that draw us closer and we both have a miserable time trying to think up things we can do together. He's not very inventive and I get way too complicated with my grand ideas. There HAS to be a middle ground, right?
At least there's hope. Last year at this time, I am not entirely sure I felt hope so much as feeling like I was just willing to try to see what would happen.
Recently, we've had a few really good discussions where a lot has come to light. Sort of speed paraphrasing:
Him: I used to feel like you didn't really want to be with me. But now I think you do. You do right?
Me: I ALWAYS wanted to be with you, and I still do, but not in the way we were together. I wanted more. I wanted to be more intertwined in our lives and partners instead of just housemates.
Him: But now things are all better, right?
Me: Sometimes, yes. I feel like you're working on it. But I still feel frustrated by your independent behavior, at times.
Him: Damn. TY for letting me know. I will work on it because I swear I HAVE been trying to do what you've asked.
Yeah, I'm simplifying. It was several conversations with long, boring, specific examples, but that's the gist. I did reassure him of the places where I had seen specific progress. I also have gone back to being mindful of expressing/showing gratitude and appreciation when he does things in a way I find pleasing. This garners huge returns.
I wish we'd known some of this stuff all along. We could have saved each other a lot of pain.
Some of it was a nice "redo" for the things that went awry last year. Some was just knowing more clearly what I wanted.
We started to fuss around with finding a way to document our trips and share them, but it just didn't work out. I got the distinct feeling that he wasn't invested, though he kept saying he was. (In the documenting the trip, not the trip itself.) I've been blogging since 1999. It's just what I do. So for me, it seemed like a natural idea to share trips we take, but for him? Not so much. Part of it is a dude/chick thing, and part is just him/me.
I do wish I could find a project for us that we could work on together. We don't have many hobbies or interests that draw us closer and we both have a miserable time trying to think up things we can do together. He's not very inventive and I get way too complicated with my grand ideas. There HAS to be a middle ground, right?
At least there's hope. Last year at this time, I am not entirely sure I felt hope so much as feeling like I was just willing to try to see what would happen.
Recently, we've had a few really good discussions where a lot has come to light. Sort of speed paraphrasing:
Him: I used to feel like you didn't really want to be with me. But now I think you do. You do right?
Me: I ALWAYS wanted to be with you, and I still do, but not in the way we were together. I wanted more. I wanted to be more intertwined in our lives and partners instead of just housemates.
Him: But now things are all better, right?
Me: Sometimes, yes. I feel like you're working on it. But I still feel frustrated by your independent behavior, at times.
Him: Damn. TY for letting me know. I will work on it because I swear I HAVE been trying to do what you've asked.
Yeah, I'm simplifying. It was several conversations with long, boring, specific examples, but that's the gist. I did reassure him of the places where I had seen specific progress. I also have gone back to being mindful of expressing/showing gratitude and appreciation when he does things in a way I find pleasing. This garners huge returns.
I wish we'd known some of this stuff all along. We could have saved each other a lot of pain.
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