Now

Now that the weekend is past, I can breathe a little easier.  I did torture myself by signing on to my son's facebook account to see wedding photos.  Of course I was critical and petty in my judgements:
"Why'd they get married there? How ghetto."
"She looks so doughy... why didn't she at least try to get fit before the wedding?"
"That dress is DEFINITELY not flattering for her figure.  But then, she doesn't have much of a figure to work with."
"Gawd... he's OLD.  Older than H.  What - she got daddy issues or something?"
"But then, damn. SHE looks old.  For being a decade younger than I am, I sure am holding up better than she is."
"Again... WHY did they get married there!?  In OCTOBER?  Couldn't they afford somewhere in Napa, at least?"
It's stupid.  And childish.  And petty.  And mostly nonproductive.  Mostly.  To be honest, there was some balm in it.  It helps to think she may not have "everything".  It helps to think things aren't perfect.  And yeah, logically, I realize nothing is perfect, but... well.  Yeah.
So now I try to focus on NOW.  It's hard.  I wish she'd apologize.  I wish she'd show remorse.  I wish that I could let all that go, but I don't know how.  I should just hire someone to pretend to be her and send me an apology letter.  Oh wait.  I'd know it wasn't real.  Heheh.
So right... focusing on NOW....
H has been affectionate and patient.  He has done what he knew how to comfort me - and more importantly to me - reached beyond that and tried to actually ask me what I needed that he didn't know how to do.  We made a promise to each other to keep working on the hard stuff instead of rug sweeping (he loves doing that *grr*) or instead of placating.  Even when it hurts or gets hard.  We both promised not to throw our hands up and just give up when things got tough. 
We'll see how that goes.  I may have to ask my son to change his FB password so I'll stop sneaking on to that account to stalk Skankalottawhore.  It's pointless, and it's not NOW - or at least, not MY now and not OUR now.
I thought about making a very public and very cheesed out "Our Story" website filled with hearts and flowers and stuff in case the skank ever went looking... you know, living well as revenge, or whatever, but then a thought struck me:  Why not do it for US?  For realsies?  OK not the hearts and flowers crap, that's SO not us, but a true archive of our adventures?  A way to look back on the GOOD things when I'm feeling bad so I can say, "THIS is now..." and have that "this" be something I can truly hold on to.
I'll have to give it more thought and see what H thinks.  I've wanted an "us" project for a long time and this seems like something I could sink my teeth into and obsess over in a GOOD way.