Went to meet with the counselor recommended for J.  I thought it was just a chance for us to meet with her to see if we trusted her with our precious daughter and a chance for her to get our take on what's going on with J.  Uh.  No.  She wanted us to fill out this huge (longer than I have EVER filled out for any counselor/therapist before) history paperwork.  H and I each were supposed to fill out this packet.
Because of a number of circumstances, we didn't get the paperwork until today - *I* didn't get mine from H until a few minutes before we were supposed to leave for the appointment.  This thing would take me at least an hour (probably longer) to fill out, so I was annoyed/irritated and ended up just saying I'd fill it out later if she wanted it. 
I sort of figured when we got there that she'd say she wanted J to fill it out and she just gave us a spare copy so we could see what she was filling out.  Nope.  She wanted it from H and I both.  She didn't even talk to J she only talked to us while J waited in the waiting room.  She went on about the A and what steps we were taking and about the details of how I found out and in what way H had ended it, and while I would greatly appreciate this if we were going to see her for US - I was annoyed that we spent so little time talking about J.  Sure, the problems are interrelated.  J didn't start getting depressed and didn't have any driving need to talk about her own incident (that allegedly occurred six years ago!) until shortly after reading my journal in which I had written about H's A.  Even the therapist agreed J was reacting to the stress of our relationship and was acting out for attention.
Look, I'm glad that she's trying to check in on us because we're the cause of our daughter's stress, but it's really frustrating that she put all of the focus on us and didn't give us any plan to help us deal with J's acting out.  We have a MC.  It would have been different if she'd said, "Of course I'll talk to J and be a resource for her, but I really think it's most important we get issues between the two of you under control," or something like that - though that seems odd since we already told her what resources we were using for our recovery.  Instead she just said, "I think history is important so I'm starting there."
This is so contrary to how we're trying to live.  We're trying to stay in the moment.  We're trying hard not to dwell on the past.  ALL of us.  H and I particularly - and not just about the A.  I want to know what's causing J to act out NOW and what we can do for her NOW.  I don't want to drag out how H and I met, what our parents did for a living, whether or not we spend time with our siblings on a regular basis, etc.  Our life is our family which includes our kids - right now.  Today. 
Also, there were some sort of judgmental clicks of her tongue and "Ohh, reealllly?" as she jotted down notes which grated on me.  For example, she seemed fairly horrified that I went to H's boss after DDay to tell him about the A - EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HIS RIGHT TO KNOW since the A took place when H was supposed to be working or when the OW was supposed to be working.   She actually did a whole, "Oh, you poor thing," kinda of deal with my H which he TOTALLY played into.  "Yes this is SO hard on me.  Yes it's VERY rough having other people know my personal business."  He did have the decency to say, "I guess on the other hand I made this choice and this is just part of the consequences," but it felt halfhearted. 
(Maybe my own bitterness tainting my perspective, though. *shrug*)
In spite of my griping, I really overall didn't mind her.  Yet.   At the very end when she was wrapping things up, I did get to tell her what my hopes were as far as J and the boys were concerned - how I ideally wanted to see things go, and she actually lit up at that.  "Yes!  Yes, that's exactly what I'd like to see, too."  This made me sigh a huge breath of relief because I need to know that we have the same vision in mind as this woman or else we're all going to be in trouble.  I don't mind taking a different path if it'd be better for the kids, but I would need something to back it up if she's got a different agenda than we do currently. 
Seems like her "ultimate" goal is the same, she's just taking the round about way to get there and I'm more interested in doing something today than talking endlessly about yesterday.
J has an appointment where she'll actually get to talk to this lady on the 23rd.  H seemed as ... hm... bewildered? as I was as to why she wanted so much info on US and none at all about J so as we were leaving he asked, "So... next time you're talking to J, right?  Not us?"  She actually said she wanted to split the time and I asked, "So you can talk to us about what you've gleaned from talking to J?"  She said, "Oh no, I just want to touch base with you guys and how you're doing."
I'd like to discuss this further with H.  If he feels that taking advantage of this as a family counseling opportunity to include our own couple's counseling is a good idea, then I'll be open to listening to his thoughts, but really I feel inclined to ask this lady to stick to helping out daughter, since that's why we contacted her.  Maybe I can just tell her (or put in the thousand pages of info I have to fill out, which she still wants) that we already have a MC and give her our MC's info.
Guess we'll see.
 
Oh.  And.  Tomorrow we find out if H got his promotion.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.  Even if, after much discussion, we decide he shouldn't actually take the position (doubtful, but still...) he needs this for his fragile ego.  The decisions that we'll have to make if he gets it will be very tough on us, but him not getting it is going to be VERY tough on him.