*sigh*
One hour til the 18th. Last year on the 18th was Thanksgiving. Yeah, yeah, I know. Last year is last year. Live in the moment. I don't seem to be able to do that right now.
Last year on the 18th, H. worked. He didn't call. He didn't text. Not me. Not the kids. He called and text OW all night. Even though he alleges that the A was over. Sure. On the 20th (his birthday) we left for the weekend with the kids. I had no clue. No... I had a clue. He kept texting the whole freaking time. He kept being sneaky and weird and when I called him on it, he put his phone away - for a time - but I could tell something was up. I just chose to trust. What a fool I was.
Last year, I tried planning a romantic weekend away for *just us*. Last year, he refused. He kept being weird about it. Finally said he wanted for ALL of us to go together (the kids included.)
This year, H pulled strings to take Thanksgiving off. We used to spend every Thanksgiving together with one of my friends and her family and he'd work Christmas. Then he was working every holiday. It was a surprise, but because I'm so out of practice with holidays, I don't even know how to *DO* Thanksgiving. It's nice that he's making the effort to be with us (me?) but I don't even know what to do with it.
This year, I have been tentative. I don't want to plan anything. Part of me is still resentful and feels like he doesn't deserve the attentions I would have given him last year. I decided to "fake it til I make it" by planning the romantic weekend away this year that we didn't get last year. Midway through, I started getting panicky and insecure.
I almost gave up, but instead I asked him to reassure me. I revealed some of the plans to make sure he was on board. He was very nice about it. He said he was excited to go. That helped some, but then this whole thing with work tomorrow is just causing so much dread I can't look forward to the weekend.
"Let it go" my logical side says. "I can't," screams my emotional side.
Can I just blame it all on PMS?
(Wouldn't that be a nice cop out?)
I wish I could pin down exactly what it is I need, but other than H avoiding OW completely, I can't think of anything that will make things better. Maybe it's just a matter of surviving right now. Sort of a sucky way to live, though.
Last year on the 18th, H. worked. He didn't call. He didn't text. Not me. Not the kids. He called and text OW all night. Even though he alleges that the A was over. Sure. On the 20th (his birthday) we left for the weekend with the kids. I had no clue. No... I had a clue. He kept texting the whole freaking time. He kept being sneaky and weird and when I called him on it, he put his phone away - for a time - but I could tell something was up. I just chose to trust. What a fool I was.
Last year, I tried planning a romantic weekend away for *just us*. Last year, he refused. He kept being weird about it. Finally said he wanted for ALL of us to go together (the kids included.)
This year, H pulled strings to take Thanksgiving off. We used to spend every Thanksgiving together with one of my friends and her family and he'd work Christmas. Then he was working every holiday. It was a surprise, but because I'm so out of practice with holidays, I don't even know how to *DO* Thanksgiving. It's nice that he's making the effort to be with us (me?) but I don't even know what to do with it.
This year, I have been tentative. I don't want to plan anything. Part of me is still resentful and feels like he doesn't deserve the attentions I would have given him last year. I decided to "fake it til I make it" by planning the romantic weekend away this year that we didn't get last year. Midway through, I started getting panicky and insecure.
I almost gave up, but instead I asked him to reassure me. I revealed some of the plans to make sure he was on board. He was very nice about it. He said he was excited to go. That helped some, but then this whole thing with work tomorrow is just causing so much dread I can't look forward to the weekend.
"Let it go" my logical side says. "I can't," screams my emotional side.
Can I just blame it all on PMS?
(Wouldn't that be a nice cop out?)
I wish I could pin down exactly what it is I need, but other than H avoiding OW completely, I can't think of anything that will make things better. Maybe it's just a matter of surviving right now. Sort of a sucky way to live, though.
Replies
Right now, yep, you are surviving. As I read your situation, I thought about how E was during his A. We still took romantic trips during his A. We still made love. Sure, there were plenty of times he acted the part of the betrayer...the silence, IMing (which was so out of character), the suspicious later arrivals home from work, but I also chose to trust. In a way, maybe it\'s better that your H opted out of the romantic trips. In a way, the fact that E was still able to go on the trips, act all loving, continue to make love to me, all while he was screwing around, makes me sick. Your H wasn\'t able to compartmentalize as well as mine. Maybe your H had a bit more of a conscience than mine did at the time. In either case, they were wrong, selfish A holes, but they now know it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually, there will be distance between you two and this thing. Hugs.