Progress

So things seem to be looking up.  Andrea and I have been talking alot more about our relationship and how we need this change in order to both be happy.  I feel more informed about how she is feeling and what she has been struggling with.  We have been able to talk about how neither one of us has been truely happy and that we had both lost ourselves over the years.  We have even gotten down to some underlying issues that have lead to this point. 
One of the issues has been the difference in our personalities.  Me being the extrovert, social, and generally friendly person I am has given her a crutch because she just lets me create social opportunities and comes in later.  Her lack of confidence in herself and her own social skills has led her to create a wall around herself shielding her from any possible rejection.  This wall however comes off as if she is being bitchy or angry or simply doesnt like the person who is trying to engage her.  This has put me in a very akward place trying to be the go-between and diffuse tension and misunderstandings.  People have been confused as to whether she is upset with them or if they have done something to offend her when in reality it is just her trying to protect herself from the rejection she feels will result if she tries to be herself.  I have tried to tell her that if she would just be herself; the fun, funny, caring person I know her to be, then people could see her as I see her and as the people who are closest to her see her.  She can be an amazingly fun person to be around if she just lets her guard down.
So the major issue for us has been our lack of any type of personal time, space, friendships, or family life.  This has evolved for many reasons but the fact is it needs to change.  last night was the first night I went out and spent a relatively large amount of time doing something by myself socially.  This may seem like no big deal but for someone who has basically been joined at the hip to another person for 8 years, it was a big deal.  I originally was going to go to a movie by myself just to do SOMETHING.  I instead decided to see if one of my friends wanted to hang out.  This friendship has developed over our love of our animals, we are in training classes together and met at the dog park but we have never hung out without other people so I was a little nervous.  It went really well and was so nice to have someone to talk to who could understand where I was coming from and be a sounding board.  So now I have a new friend who I can spend time with away from Andrea and both Andrea and I agree that it is a great thing.
Andrea and I are doing so much better now that we have admitted to ourselves that we had so many things that needed to be addressed that we were just trying to slide under the rug in hopes they would go away.  As of right now we are "together" I think...we have been sleeping in the same bed and even have cuddled. I actually was able to give her a kiss goodnight last night.  I hope that the space and time we are creating for each other is enough to work through the issues we have.  I have told her that I dont want her to do anything unless she feels she wants to.  I dont want her staying with me and going through the motions of trying to resolve things if she has figured out that she has grown into a different person who no longer can get what she needs out of this relationship.
She has said that she is not over us and wants to work things out, that this has just been a glitch that needed to be addressed and I hope that is true.  I feel better overall knowing that things will be better no matter what the out come is.  I hope we are able to find ourselves and fall in love again.  I still love her and she says she still loves me and doesnt want this to be over.  I hope that spending time away from each other will give us the chance to miss each other and maybe spark some of the embers that are left. We have been smoldering for a while but there have been very few flames, not much excitement in that. 
Dont get me wrong I definetly dont feel out of the woods yet.  I dont know if she will discover that she needs to go off and live her life without me.  She has never had that time to be on her own, being together since she was 18, hasnt left her time to grow and develop the confidence in herself that she needs to be sure of where she stands on much of anything.  She is very different than me in a lot of ways. I have always been kinda wild, very social, a total Gemini. She has never had that crazy side, was never one to want to go away to Rohobeth beach or P-town for a crazy weekend, or skinny-dip in the ocean at midnight.  I dont know if her lack of having any of that is coming back to haunt us making her feel as though she hasnt really lived because she has been in this "marriage" the whole time.  I feel that people need to go through certain stages in life and if you dont go through them at the "normal" age then you will eventually have to address it and want to go out and experience all those things you never had the chance to.
All I can say is that I am happy that she wants to work through this and hope that it all works out.  I know we will both end up happy eventually. :)