2009 summer home visit

i went home this july.  i had a great time.  i spent about two weeks home.  i hung out with all my cousins.  i saw my aunts and uncle.  spent the first night at one of my aunt's home.  it was just her and i.  we talked a lot.  she is so pleasant and easy to talk with.   i had a great time with my mom.  we did have a problem.  my mother wants me to forget about the abuse and move on with my life.   we started talking about relationships/marriage.  i told her with what i have observed with relationships, her and my father's included, and the trauma from the abuse, i don't think so much about marriage.  i told her that i did not think her relationship with my father was one that i admired.  that was the wrong thing to say.  she got upset and jumped all over me (figuratively speaking).  she yelled at me in front of a crowd of people.  she stated that i was more moody than my father.  i accepted that but i said that i did not hit on people like my father.   when i was five, a year before my father's brother decided that he was going to use me as his sexual toy, my father was giving me a "beating" that caused me to go into a coma.  he hit me in the eye and when i ran from him i ran into a door.  he put me to bed and i slipped into a coma.  i spent 10 days in a coma.  i had to wear a patch over my eye for awhile. my mother excuses the incident as a beating as if it was okay.   i watched my father hit my mother when i was in my teens.  she made up an excuse for that.  what really burns me up about the coma incident, my mother changes the story and she keeps saying "it was just a beating, i was there."  she took me to the hospital and spent everyday with me until i came out of the coma.  but here is my thing, she had to have lied to the doctors about the incident.  had she told them the truth my father would/should have been arrested.  he was never arrested.  my childhood and family was complicated. i just don't know. my mother accused me of making up things to make me feel better.  i'm not sure what she meant.  some how i think she thinks i am using the abuse as an excuse for my short comings in life.  so i asked her twice if she thought i was lying about the sexual abuse by my uncle and twice she did not answer me.  it hurt.  i was steaming.  i remained calm.  i was out in public and i did not want to argue at all.  i could not wait to get back to the house.  i wanted to get back to where i live now.  i cried in my room.  my mother went to her room.  i changed my mind on leaving b/c it was a matter of fight or flight.  it has always been my pattern to fly out of any bad situation.  i thought if i had left, it would have made things worse between my mother and i.  i hung in there.  my cousin came and took me out.  later that night i set with my cousin who spends a lot of time with my mother and we talked through a lot of stuff.  he agreed with me that my mother believes she is right about everything.  my mother also puts the bad stuff in the back and forgets about it - that's how she copes with it.  i don't think it is healthy.  i think she thinks i'm weak. we got through it.  the next morning my mother came down to my room and apologized for getting upset.  that is a first.  i exchanged apologies and said we will get it together.  we have to.  i love her more than anything.  i don't blame her for what happen to me with my uncle.  i get angry with her b/c it doesn't seem like she is trying to see what i am going through.  i am finally starting to understand me.