Well its really over this time. We talk every few days..... dont know if we will anymore. Im not going to text him anymore.... at least i am going to try really hard. He said so many bad things to me. And trying to figure everything out just gives me a head ache. I always have things going through my head, trying to figure out if all this was my fault. He doesn't come straight out and say that its my fault but he might as well. And I have been trying to figure out why I did some of the things I did (nothing really bad) just lying about really stupid things and contradicting myself sometimes. I really think that he caused me to do that, because I dont do that to anyone else and if he didnt get mad about the dumbest things i wouldn't of had to lie about dumb things. And he said so many bad things to me and no answer i ever gave him was the right one, so that made me contradict myself sometimes. I was always so confused about what to say that I didn't even know what the truth was... or how i felt about things. It was like there was so much going through my head but I couldn't think at the same time. If that makes sense. When things were bad he never put any effort into making it work, it was always me having to change things to make it work. I don't know if I miss him or i am just not used to him not being around. I dont want him talking to other girls and when I think about that it makes me want to go running back. But i think i have finally realized that nothing is going to make it work. I didn't get credit for any of the stuff I did.... like giving him my paychecks cuz he needed money, or working two jobs...to be able to give him more money, staying around when he was talking to other girls....etc etc. There is so much I have done for his stupid ass.... and i can count on one hand how much stuff he has done for me in the last 3 yrs. It bugs me that he doesnt see that the way he is caused me to lie about stupid stuff and everything. (Not to mention he lied about PLENTY of stuff) but im the one made out to be the bad guy. I just hope one day he wakes up and realizes that the way he acts affects other people. I take full responsibility for the stupid stuff i did, but there are reasons for them. I never cheated on him like he did me ( too many times) just lied about stupid stuff cuz i knew he wouuld have something rude to say or accuse me of something.... so I just tried to avoid that. I am trying to take everything one day at a time. I feel kind of fragile, like the wrong move could break me.He made me want to kill myself because of all the really mean things he said to me an I even tried a few times...... i would cut myself pretty often and i told him that and it didnt do anything. So I think i have no choice but to try and just live my life. Trying new things....but slowly. I hope I dont end up crashing and begging him to come back. I want to be over him for good! Pray for me everyone